Intermediate Library Science

[theworst]

[So Jeff and Britta are in a library, in a study room, with books spread across the table. It's oddly nostalgic, except there are five other people missing. Britta's face is scrunched up as she reads over one trying to find something in there to quiz Jeff about to help him in his studying]

How many laws do you really need to know to be a lawyer? Can't you just sing Witchy Woman and win the jury over or whatever it is that you do?

[they seriously need Annie, because this thing called studying is hard]

Comments

[theworst]

[after a while she finally breaks the silence, although she still doesn't look up from the book]

What kind of stuff do you need to know from these books?

[bedheaded]

Laws related to driving regulations. I was best at criminal law, but DUI doesn't exist here. I don't really want to get into the business of defending corporations or the state, and defending people who kill or hurt other people usually means defending people without money, but people still have carriages, and according to this book, motor vehicles are still used and subject to some pretty suppressive laws. Probably lobbying interests from the railways. I'm looking for something in that I can work with.

[theworst]

[she glances up] What about being the type of attorney who sues corporations and businesses and everything else? You could be sexy, like Erin Brocovich. [...] You know, the dude version.

[she frowns and then looks back at the book again]

[bedheaded]

As much as I'd love to be played by Julia Roberts in the movie of my life, I would be sexy and poor. I'm in it for the cars and the suits, not for justice.

[theworst]

She got rich eventually, when she won those cases, and she was able to help the poor and downtrodden, too.

[bedheaded]

That's great for her, but we have monthly bills, and it's the careless and wealthy who can fix that.

[theworst]

Excuse me for wanting to help the innocent and needy. [and back to flipping through the book. Her mood seems slightly better, as she focuses on reading the books and arguing with Jeff]

[bedheaded]

If I wanted to do that, I would be a public defender. This is much more rewarding in every way that counts.

[theworst]

You mean the way that gets you lots of money.

[bedheaded]

That's what I said.

[theworst]

You're the worst. [an annoyed page flip, and back to studying]

[bedheaded]

If by that you mean the most employable, then yes, yes I am. [Look, Britta, you're getting Jeff "Take The Easy Way Out" Winger actually putting effort into studying something. It's like a miracle. Appreciate it.]

[theworst]

I don't and you're not. [she does appreciate it, really, but it doesn't mean she's going to stop giving him a hard time]

[bedheaded]

You mean I'm not the worst? Thanks, Britta, but I didn't need to hear it. I've always known that you're the worst.

[theworst]

Maybe I used to be, but this is a new city, new century, new Britta, and the theme from now on is going to be Britta for the win all the time!

[bedheaded]

You have fun with that. I'll watch from a safe distance.

[theworst]

Yeah, you better watch from a safe distance, because I'm going to blow everyone's mind with my awesomeness.

[bedheaded]

Yes, that's exactly what I meant.

[theworst]

I know what you meant, and I don't care, because I'm a new Britta who doesn't let other people's negativity bring her down.

[bedheaded]

Bizarro Britta? Britta from a parallel universe? Oh my God, it's Abed's dream come true! Quick, prove you're opposite Britta! Do something intelligent and competent!

[theworst]

[she makes a face and then kicks him hard in the shins under the table and then smiles smugly at him] There you go, most intelligent thing anyone could possibly do when alone in a room with you.

[bedheaded]

[He shouts and gets immediately scolded.] Whatever happened to peaceful protest?

[theworst]

Oooh, did that hurt? Well, what can I say? Sometimes I just have to rage against the machine, or the Winger. Whichever works.

[bedheaded]

Violence is the lowest form of persuasion.

[theworst]

Yeah, well, your face is the lowest form of persuasion, so there.