Intermediate Library Science

[theworst]

[So Jeff and Britta are in a library, in a study room, with books spread across the table. It's oddly nostalgic, except there are five other people missing. Britta's face is scrunched up as she reads over one trying to find something in there to quiz Jeff about to help him in his studying]

How many laws do you really need to know to be a lawyer? Can't you just sing Witchy Woman and win the jury over or whatever it is that you do?

[they seriously need Annie, because this thing called studying is hard]

Comments

[bedheaded]

That's what I said.

[theworst]

You're the worst. [an annoyed page flip, and back to studying]

[bedheaded]

If by that you mean the most employable, then yes, yes I am. [Look, Britta, you're getting Jeff "Take The Easy Way Out" Winger actually putting effort into studying something. It's like a miracle. Appreciate it.]

[theworst]

I don't and you're not. [she does appreciate it, really, but it doesn't mean she's going to stop giving him a hard time]

[bedheaded]

You mean I'm not the worst? Thanks, Britta, but I didn't need to hear it. I've always known that you're the worst.

[theworst]

Maybe I used to be, but this is a new city, new century, new Britta, and the theme from now on is going to be Britta for the win all the time!

[bedheaded]

You have fun with that. I'll watch from a safe distance.

[theworst]

Yeah, you better watch from a safe distance, because I'm going to blow everyone's mind with my awesomeness.

[bedheaded]

Yes, that's exactly what I meant.

[theworst]

I know what you meant, and I don't care, because I'm a new Britta who doesn't let other people's negativity bring her down.

[bedheaded]

Bizarro Britta? Britta from a parallel universe? Oh my God, it's Abed's dream come true! Quick, prove you're opposite Britta! Do something intelligent and competent!

[theworst]

[she makes a face and then kicks him hard in the shins under the table and then smiles smugly at him] There you go, most intelligent thing anyone could possibly do when alone in a room with you.

[bedheaded]

[He shouts and gets immediately scolded.] Whatever happened to peaceful protest?

[theworst]

Oooh, did that hurt? Well, what can I say? Sometimes I just have to rage against the machine, or the Winger. Whichever works.

[bedheaded]

Violence is the lowest form of persuasion.

[theworst]

Yeah, well, your face is the lowest form of persuasion, so there.

[bedheaded]

My face is one of the higher forms of persuasion. People are naturally moved by beautiful things.

[theworst]

Still not seeing where your face fits in there, Seacrest.

[bedheaded]

I am so much more than Ryan Seacrest could ever hope to be, Maggie Lawson. It's called style, and it's half the battle. People don't listen to reason. They listen to the ideas and the people they want to leave. This face is the moneymaker. [Jeff should be able to cite what aspect of rhetoric study this is, re: the theories of Aristotle, but he isn't classically trained so he can't.]

[theworst]

They're calling it style now? Well, that's a step up from being called the telltale signs of a pretentious hipster.

[bedheaded]

A good face is the telltale sign of a pretentious hipster? What a sad, sad world you must live in. I feel sorry for you.

[theworst]

No, your style is the telltale sign. Your face is just an unfortunate hostage that's forced along for the ride, only now it's sided with your hipster sensibilities. Classic Stackhomed Syndome.

[bedheaded]

[A grin flashes over his face.] What kind of syndrome?

[theworst]

[That grin.]

...Stackhomed.

[bedheaded]

[The only reason this laugh is quiet is they're in a library.] Sure, maybe my face does have Stackhome Syndrome.