Intermediate Library Science

[theworst]

[So Jeff and Britta are in a library, in a study room, with books spread across the table. It's oddly nostalgic, except there are five other people missing. Britta's face is scrunched up as she reads over one trying to find something in there to quiz Jeff about to help him in his studying]

How many laws do you really need to know to be a lawyer? Can't you just sing Witchy Woman and win the jury over or whatever it is that you do?

[they seriously need Annie, because this thing called studying is hard]

Comments

[bedheaded]

[He shouts and gets immediately scolded.] Whatever happened to peaceful protest?

[theworst]

Oooh, did that hurt? Well, what can I say? Sometimes I just have to rage against the machine, or the Winger. Whichever works.

[bedheaded]

Violence is the lowest form of persuasion.

[theworst]

Yeah, well, your face is the lowest form of persuasion, so there.

[bedheaded]

My face is one of the higher forms of persuasion. People are naturally moved by beautiful things.

[theworst]

Still not seeing where your face fits in there, Seacrest.

[bedheaded]

I am so much more than Ryan Seacrest could ever hope to be, Maggie Lawson. It's called style, and it's half the battle. People don't listen to reason. They listen to the ideas and the people they want to leave. This face is the moneymaker. [Jeff should be able to cite what aspect of rhetoric study this is, re: the theories of Aristotle, but he isn't classically trained so he can't.]

[theworst]

They're calling it style now? Well, that's a step up from being called the telltale signs of a pretentious hipster.

[bedheaded]

A good face is the telltale sign of a pretentious hipster? What a sad, sad world you must live in. I feel sorry for you.

[theworst]

No, your style is the telltale sign. Your face is just an unfortunate hostage that's forced along for the ride, only now it's sided with your hipster sensibilities. Classic Stackhomed Syndome.

[bedheaded]

[A grin flashes over his face.] What kind of syndrome?

[theworst]

[That grin.]

...Stackhomed.

[bedheaded]

[The only reason this laugh is quiet is they're in a library.] Sure, maybe my face does have Stackhome Syndrome.

[theworst]

What's so funny?

[bedheaded]

Nothing. Hey, when we're done studying, do you wanna go out somewhere? Have a quick bite to eat before we get home? I don't know about you, but I was feeling up for some baggels.

[theworst]

...there's nothing wrong with the way I say baggels or Stackhomed Syndrome or anything else!

[bedheaded]

I don't know what you're talking about, Britta. I was just craving a baggel.

[theworst]

More like you're craving me to kick your ass.

Anyway, I wouldn't expect you to understand. After all, only one of us lived in New York.

[bedheaded]

You're right. I'm ashamed that I'm not hip enough to have lived in the Big Apple.

[theworst]

Don't feel too bad, you're far hipper. Just look at that phone of yours, because that's clearly a statement about something.

[bedheaded]

That I don't cut myself off from the world in an effort to make a statement? Yes, I'm afraid it does.

[theworst]

Pssh, like I care enough about what anyone thinks about me to try to make some stupid statement.

[bedheaded]

You mean you won't start a rant about animal cruelty every time I want to eat sushi for dinner? This place has really changed you.

[theworst]

I don't care about what you think, I still care about the welfare of that tuna.

[bedheaded]

Noble. But I wasn't completely kidding about going out to eat. I can't study this long, it feels unnatural. Usually someone's done something to by now. [Gotten us involved in a paintball war, decided to go out to a bar, had a giant dispute...] We should eat now and study more later.