I'M NORMALLLLL PLEASE DATE MEEEEE

[screwreality]

[SUCH A WONDERFUL DAY! Full of snowbanks and sunshine and ~ROMANCE~. Victorian gents wander around with their ladies. Victorian hobos holler at prostitutes for discounts. Forgetful idiots swarm flower shops for last-minute attempts at getting flowers before they go home and get murdered by their wives.

IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY, YOU BASTARDS! Spam your fellow taggers! Play hard to get and stop responding to everyone but your personal favorite! Sob and eat ice cream while watching your inbox stay empty! CELEBRATE WITH ALL OF YOUR SPIRIT!]

Comments

[hairpine]

[And then the BGM stopped. Record scratch optional, but it's 1882, where are you going to get your vinyls?]

... Overthrow the English? Is that what he's planning to do?

[Well, it's not weird. He's Irish. That's what Irish people do, right?]

[screwreality]

Ah... Partially. He wants the downtrodden to switch place with the rulers. Flip the entire spectrum.

[The move that would be assumed to be sparkles and an hourglass turning motion, just turns into both hands moving listlessly in some vaguely-like-something something.

Not helpful at all.]

It won't work. That just turns plus to minus, minus to plus. Changes the players but not the dynamic. No one understands each other that way. Nothing becomes 'equal'.

[hairpine]

... And what do you want? Would you prefer a world where we all exist equally?

[screwreality]

Mm. Sorry. That's her.

I. [Want to lie to her. So badly. Forget these people, they're not Minus, they don't understand, but they're so close]

...I don't know. Personally, I want everyone alive to die. But that's because I don't think they can understand people like us.

[So the question is between trying to make everyone understand one another, or just killing them all off because they're letdowns.]

Ah, what a pain. I hate people.

[hairpine]

I know.

[Is what she says, but the tone is more like "Me too, it's okay." Emphasis on the second part.]

I had never so much as considered the possibility that they could understand me... If that were possible, then I think that I would like it if we were able to live equally.

But, as you've said, it's unlikely. As long as I'm able to stay with all of you, then it doesn't matter what happens to this place or its people.

[screwreality]

...You want them to understand you.

[Then some kind of light clicks on internally, because he looks up at the sky and nothing at all. A long moment passes. Then]

I can do that.

[hairpine]

... Can you?

I'm all right like this, of course, but is that something that you're capable of doing?

[screwreality]

[He stands up, perfectly calm. Dusts the snow off. Glances back to her.] Not immediately, and for a price, but I can... The price means I have a condition.

I need to make sure you understand. To prove yourself a friend. Accept?

[hairpine]

[Well.

He said the f-word. So without any particularly deep thought, because Kumagawa is her friend -]

... Yes, of course.

[screwreality]

[That's it. She's not a minus. None of them are. But it they're Minus. Abandoned and hated by the world, hating the world back, but the only thing they want is the world to accept them. And, back home, he promised them to do that. They're not here anymore.

But these people are.

The smile is like a gash opening up across his face and is something that's going to haunt Michi's nightmares for weeks on end. Because she gave the universe's designated villain a purpose.

A+

He offers her a hand, to help her up from the snow. It still feels like you'd rather cut your arm off than take it.] Then I'll show you the world they denied you.

[hairpine]

[She'd rather lose her hand than take his -- as usual, and that won't ever change. He is absolutely awful and repulsive, but that's fine, because he's her friend before that. One doesn't cancel out the other, only makes it worth bearing. He's touched her before, her head and her shoulders, and she's hugged him more times than she cares to count (less than ten, she could if she tried).

The idea of rejecting him the way she did when they met rises up in her mind quickly, like bile in the throat --

But unlike the first time, she doesn't follow through. She takes his hand without hesitation.

#shounen]

[screwreality]

[He comes from a universe of shounen cliches, and this entire scene is asking for one of those stupid ~FRIENDSHIP~ spiels and thanking Michi for accepting his faults and then celebrations with hugs.

But Michi is filed under Minus. And Minus could give two shits about cliches and go out for karaoke after deconstructing them. So he just stretches his arms over his head.] A~lright, enough of that.

[Bluh, honesty. Holding a hand over his face and taking a deep breath. And the instant the mask snaps back on is when Michi gets the brightest smile ever and his raised hand turning into a V. The image immediately makes her picture a girl she's never met before. Go fig.]

「OKAY, MICHI-CHAN! HELP ME KILL MYSELF!」

[#idiotgenre]

[hairpine]

[Again, there's that record scratch. The vinyls wash up on the Thames too, in perfect condition somehow. Along with a record player.]

... Is that what you'd like me to do?

[screwreality]

「YOU DON'T HAVE TO IF IT UPSETS YOU! I WOULD NEVER PUT A FRIEND THROUGH SUCH MISERY! OH, WAIT, I WOULD. NEVER MIND! BUT I NEED TO BREAK UP WITH AJIMU. WHICH MEANS I NEED TO DIE! HMM... A WEEK SHOULD BE GOOD.」

[That record is getting a lot of abuse today.]

[hairpine]

[Oh no.]

-- Are you separating? Has something happened?

[screwreality]

[There's a brief moment here that he just wants to answer 'It's complicated' and dodge it like a boss.

Then he immediately remembers the last time Elizabeth mocked him for invoking a trope he didn't even catch and he facedesked for hours while Ajimu cackled on the floor.

No dodging today.]

「I PROMISED HER I WOULD KILL HER. TO DO IT, I TRADED MY SKILL FOR HERS. BUT TO MAKE EVERYONE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER HERE, I NEED MY OLD SKILL. IN SHORT, I NEED TO TELL A GOD, TO HER FACE, THAT I'M BREAKING OUR PROMISE. AH, SHE'S GONNA BEAT ME TO DEATH, THIS SUCKS.」

[That last sentence sounds waaaaay too calm with getting beaten to death.]

[hairpine]

... Do you enjoy the skill that you have now? You mustn't inconvenience yourself for my sake!

[screwreality]

「HM? THIS WAS NEVER MY SKILL. IT WORKS OFF OF ONE OF AJIMU'S. IT'S JUST A TRADE-BACK! IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME!」

[The sparkle indicates that he really doesn't care, but it's hard to say when most of his presence is locked behind brackets.

Michi will master that game someday. In the meantime, ~Charisma~]

「BESIDES! I'M NOT DOING THIS FOR JUST YOU. IT'S FOR ALL OF YOU.」

[hairpine]

If you're certain...

Then, how should I kill you? I've never done this before today.

[screwreality]

「AH, I DON'T KNOW. I NEED TO BE DEAD FOR A WHILE, SO ANYTHING NEEDLESSLY CRUEL IS GOOD! AND NEAR A PLACE TO KEEP MY CORPSE. MAYBE NEAR A BROOM CLOSET OR A DUMPSTER?」

[High standards.]

[hairpine]

I could, perhaps, mix a poison... or strangle you...? I'm afraid that cruelty isn't my forte...

Oh, but I could keep your corpse in my house!

[screwreality]

「STRANGLING'S OUT. IT NEEDS TO BE A DEATH I DON'T SEE COMING. POISON WOULD WORK IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHICH ONE YOU USED!」

[And the last part earns a blank stare. Then right back to normal, blushing a deep red and fidgeting with his fingers.]

「B-BUT MICHI-CHAN, THAT'S YOUR FATHER'S HOUSE! KIDNAPPING A PERSON'S LOVE AND LOCKING THEM IN THE BASEMENT IS THE KIND OF SEXUAL INSANITY I EXPECTED OF THE GERMANS! OR THE JAPANESE! I HAD NO IDEA YOU HAD SUCH WICKED THOUGHTS. NEXT YOU'LL BE WEARING MINISKIRTS AND GODIVA HAIR AND BEAT ME INTO A DESK! YOU'LL NEVER REPLACE MY LOVE!」

[hairpine]

-- I don't have any intention of replacing Miss Ajimu! I simply thought that you would feel comfortable in my house...? I'm not a deviant! The miniskirts I did take into consideration, yes, but only for ease of movement!

[screwreality]

「HA! THE JOKE'S ON YOU! YOU'VE SAID MY BODY ISN'T ME, SO WHY SHOULD YOU CARE WHETHER I FEEL COMFORTABLE OR NOT! I'LL BE DEAD!」

[This would almost be a victory in the argument, except it means he loses against her in the first thing they discussed today. Ah, he can never win, can he?]

「SERIOUSLY THOUGH, YOUR HOUSE OR CALL ELIZABETH. EITHER PLACE WOULD BE FINE. BUT DON'T GET IN TROUBLE ON MY BEHALF, OKAY?」

[hairpine]

... When you wake up, it would be improper to do so in a broom closet, of all places.

Father won't mind, and Miss Helen will keep your immediate area clean!

[He's not around to mind and she'll make sad faces at the maid until she lets her keep her friend's dead body in their guest bedroom.]

The choice is yours! I could just as easily have you sent to your house.