I'M NORMALLLLL PLEASE DATE MEEEEE

[screwreality]

[SUCH A WONDERFUL DAY! Full of snowbanks and sunshine and ~ROMANCE~. Victorian gents wander around with their ladies. Victorian hobos holler at prostitutes for discounts. Forgetful idiots swarm flower shops for last-minute attempts at getting flowers before they go home and get murdered by their wives.

IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY, YOU BASTARDS! Spam your fellow taggers! Play hard to get and stop responding to everyone but your personal favorite! Sob and eat ice cream while watching your inbox stay empty! CELEBRATE WITH ALL OF YOUR SPIRIT!]

Comments

[hairpine]

... Would Father know? All that I know of murder I've learned from our library, true, but...

[screwreality]

「I CAN DRIVE HIM INTO A FURY AND HE'LL SNAP MY NECK. EASY!」

[hairpine]

[...]

He would certainly have an easier time of that than me... is that really all right?

[screwreality]

「I COULD TRY DRIVING YOU TO A BREAKING POINT, BUT THAT'D BE WORK. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY! I DON'T WANT TO FORCE YOU INTO DOING SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT TO. YOU'RE THE RAPIST IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.」

[hairpine]

-- I'm not a rapist!

[Wait]

-- And if you'd like to die, then I'm happy to kill you... I'm simply not a very skilled murderer!

[screwreality]

「IT'LL BE PRACTICE FOR THE FUTURE! THINK OF ME LIKE A PRACTICE SHEET. I'LL ACCEPT ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS MICHI-CHAN!」

1/2

[hairpine]

["I'll accept all of your feelings."

Her expression is not one he's ever seen on her face, and probably not one he'll ever see again. Blank as usual, but with the difference that she's finally stopped smiling.

At this point it may become apparent the smile never managed to reach her eyes anyway.

If she could take the hatred she's bottled up inside for eighteen years, and turn it to murderous intent, she'd have enough to keep them both going for years. It wouldn't take much. Pour all of her anger and her resentment, every ounce of negativity into snapping his neck quickly, before he can expect it. Or stabbing him, or killing him with the magic she's been fiddling with --]

[hairpine]

[But just because she's stopped smiling, just because she's thinking of how to kill him, doesn't mean she's not the same Michi he fell in like friendship exceptionism with.

She just can't think of anything. So it turns into an intense staring contest instead.]

... Perhaps we should take you to see Father, instead.

[screwreality]

[It's weird being around him now that Michi's filed under 'comrade in arms/STILL NOT USING THE F-WORD'. It means that, rather than plaster on her open faults and rip them further, he... doesn't. The bright smile that never meets his glazed eyes still there, arms crossed and waiting while she organizes herself.

The change between his smiles is obvious now. The ones that aren't genuine are a lot less toxic to face.] 「THE OFFER'S STILL OPEN! BUT IF YOU WANT TO KILL ME, DO IT BEFORE YOUR FATHER DOES. HE'LL BE THE LAST TIME.」

[The smile is wrong, but it's still the one that's perfectly okay with whatever choice she makes. Perfectly okay with everything right now. Excellent day.]

[hairpine]

[



Okay let's retreat back behind the fake smile. Frowning feels weird. That's good, it should feel weird to do that. Frowning is bad.]

I don't believe that I can. I would like to be able to do that for you, of course, but I'm simply not strong enough. If there is a "next time," I will try my best then.

In that case, I suppose we should be leaving?

[screwreality]

「HA HA! NO WORRIES, MICHI-CHAN! I KNOW THAT DAY WILL COME SOON ENOUGH!」

[Probably the day she gets smacked in the face with his presence so hard she becomes it and then (hopefully) smacks him back. I'll be awesome. It it happens.

Anyway-]

「LEAD THE WAY! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FATHER I LIED AFTER HE'S DONE KILLING ME. I WOULDN'T WANT TO RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.」

[hairpine]

[She opens her mouth to ask but -

you know what it's probably better if she doesn't. It's no big deal, right?]

It seems unlikely that he would kill you with me in the immediate area -- so I may excuse myself...

[To. Go buy poison on the off chance he doesn't actually kill him.]

Regardless, please do hurry back!

[screwreality]

「...I'LL TRY.」

[Though it's with the defeatist tone of someone who knows it's not gonna happen. Sob, Ajimu's gonna be pissed, but fuck her feelings, can't be tamed.]

[hairpine]

... Rather, return as quickly as you can! If you are away for too long, then everyone will worry.

[~OPTIMISMMM~

But then they're at the door, so.]

There are some errands that I must run! Father is at home today, however -- unless it aids you in angering him, Kumagawa, could you please inform him that I've gone to do some shopping?

[screwreality]

「LIKE I CARE!」

[Translation: He'll be back soon. And he looks at the door and around the scenery before turning back to her with both hands on his hips.]

「OF COURSE, MICHI-CHAN! AND WHERE'S YOUR TOOL SHED?」

[hairpine]

... Do you require some sort of tool?

[Well. Ok.

She'll just... lead him around back then.]

[screwreality]

「AH, YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.」

[And he just opens the door like her servants are completely useless and don't lock their sheds. Or he undid the lock whatever.

After a few seconds out of sight, there's a sigh.]

「HEYYY MICHI-CHAN, I NEED YOUR HELP WITH SOMETHING!」

[hairpine]

[Well this sure doesn't seem unsafe at all let's go check it out. In we go.]

Yes, what is it?

[screwreality]

[She'll know she messed up because a few seconds after wandering in, the door slams shut. And there's the sound of a rake or some sort of garden implement through the door handles.]

「DON'T WORRY MICHI-CHAN, I'LL LET YOU OUT BEFORE I DIE! PLEASE DON'T HOLD IT AGAINST ME! I'M NOT SORRY ANYWAY!」

[He's kind of sorry.]

[hairpine]

[................................ But.






It's dark in here. :(]

Erm... all right... I suppose that I will be waiting?

[A very poor attempt at humor. She's trying.

WHERE TO NOW, CURRENT PROTAGONIST FOR ALL OF LIKE TWENTY MINUTES]

[screwreality]

[She can keep waiting, because he already ran off. And as far as 'where to'? EASY. KICK IN THE BACK DOOR.

Any maids who made the mistake of being too close are immediately screwed into the walls. Holding both hands up and calling.]

「HEY~! WHERE'S THE MASTER OF THE HOUSE? NOT GREETING VISITORS IS RUDE~!」

[selfreleasing]

[The master of the house was reading a book in his study, but good lord is that a bunch of noise. So he gets up. He resembles Michi pretty heavily in the face, which is to say if Kumagawa didn't know he was of Japanese descent it probably wouldn't be immediately obvious.

Dressed to the nines, either way. Fucking fop. Calmly;]

That's me. If you'd come through the front next time, we should be able to accommodate you.

Do you need something?

[screwreality]

[Mentally, he wonders if someone with that kind of a dress sense can kill him without him predicting it. But hey, worth a try. May was well go all-out from the start.]

「OH HELLO! I MEANT TO INTRODUCE MYSELF! I'M THE ONE WHO TOOK YOUR DAUGHTER'S VIRGINITY! BUT SHE WENT ON OVER HOW IT WAS TO BE A SECRET, SO I KILLED HER AND LEFT HER IN THE GARDEN SHED. AH, SUCH A USELESS DAUGHTER YOU HAD. THOUGH TO BE FAIR, A LOT IS YOUR FAULT FOR BEING A USELESS FATHER. NO HARD FEELINGS?」

[selfreleasing]

[






what

There is no particularly deep thought process associated with it, just. What? His heart lodges itself very firmly in his throat at the idea, but -]

... Your jokes could use some work. There's nothing in the shed.

[screwreality]

「YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?」

[And her father gets the full force of the presence it's taken Michi how much time to barely tolerate. Tossing a blood-stained screw in one hand that's appeared from nowhere. The maids are still pinned in place - it's not one of theirs.]

「CALLING SOMEONE A LIAR IS CRUEL, DON'T YOU THINK? JUST LIKE IT'S CRUEL TO IGNORE YOUR DAUGHTER AND PRETEND YOU LOVE HER. BUT YOU CAN BE HAPPY NOW! SHE WENT TO SLEEP STILL THINKING YOU LOVED HER. WAS YOUR WIFE AS LUCKY?」