I'M NORMALLLLL PLEASE DATE MEEEEE

[screwreality]

[SUCH A WONDERFUL DAY! Full of snowbanks and sunshine and ~ROMANCE~. Victorian gents wander around with their ladies. Victorian hobos holler at prostitutes for discounts. Forgetful idiots swarm flower shops for last-minute attempts at getting flowers before they go home and get murdered by their wives.

IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY, YOU BASTARDS! Spam your fellow taggers! Play hard to get and stop responding to everyone but your personal favorite! Sob and eat ice cream while watching your inbox stay empty! CELEBRATE WITH ALL OF YOUR SPIRIT!]

Comments

[hairpine]

-- I don't have any intention of replacing Miss Ajimu! I simply thought that you would feel comfortable in my house...? I'm not a deviant! The miniskirts I did take into consideration, yes, but only for ease of movement!

[screwreality]

「HA! THE JOKE'S ON YOU! YOU'VE SAID MY BODY ISN'T ME, SO WHY SHOULD YOU CARE WHETHER I FEEL COMFORTABLE OR NOT! I'LL BE DEAD!」

[This would almost be a victory in the argument, except it means he loses against her in the first thing they discussed today. Ah, he can never win, can he?]

「SERIOUSLY THOUGH, YOUR HOUSE OR CALL ELIZABETH. EITHER PLACE WOULD BE FINE. BUT DON'T GET IN TROUBLE ON MY BEHALF, OKAY?」

[hairpine]

... When you wake up, it would be improper to do so in a broom closet, of all places.

Father won't mind, and Miss Helen will keep your immediate area clean!

[He's not around to mind and she'll make sad faces at the maid until she lets her keep her friend's dead body in their guest bedroom.]

The choice is yours! I could just as easily have you sent to your house.

[screwreality]

[He'd say he's been corpsekept in broom closets before, but he's not that far forward in his canon. SO. Instead he actually holds a hand to his chin like he's thinking. Maybe he is! It's hard to say.

Except he is, because - while he doesn't want Elizabeth to worry - he knows she'd have a whole list of problems with what he wants to do and the list starts and ends with killing him with a book.

...

Fuck that.]

「...IF YOUR FAMILY DOESN'T MIND, I'LL TAKE SOME OF YOUR HOSPITALITY.」

[hairpine]

All right.

... Though, the issue of how to kill you still remains.

[screwreality]

「WE SHOULD ASK YOUR DAD!」

[This is the best idea.]

[hairpine]

... Would Father know? All that I know of murder I've learned from our library, true, but...

[screwreality]

「I CAN DRIVE HIM INTO A FURY AND HE'LL SNAP MY NECK. EASY!」

[hairpine]

[...]

He would certainly have an easier time of that than me... is that really all right?

[screwreality]

「I COULD TRY DRIVING YOU TO A BREAKING POINT, BUT THAT'D BE WORK. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY! I DON'T WANT TO FORCE YOU INTO DOING SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT TO. YOU'RE THE RAPIST IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.」

[hairpine]

-- I'm not a rapist!

[Wait]

-- And if you'd like to die, then I'm happy to kill you... I'm simply not a very skilled murderer!

[screwreality]

「IT'LL BE PRACTICE FOR THE FUTURE! THINK OF ME LIKE A PRACTICE SHEET. I'LL ACCEPT ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS MICHI-CHAN!」

1/2

[hairpine]

["I'll accept all of your feelings."

Her expression is not one he's ever seen on her face, and probably not one he'll ever see again. Blank as usual, but with the difference that she's finally stopped smiling.

At this point it may become apparent the smile never managed to reach her eyes anyway.

If she could take the hatred she's bottled up inside for eighteen years, and turn it to murderous intent, she'd have enough to keep them both going for years. It wouldn't take much. Pour all of her anger and her resentment, every ounce of negativity into snapping his neck quickly, before he can expect it. Or stabbing him, or killing him with the magic she's been fiddling with --]

[hairpine]

[But just because she's stopped smiling, just because she's thinking of how to kill him, doesn't mean she's not the same Michi he fell in like friendship exceptionism with.

She just can't think of anything. So it turns into an intense staring contest instead.]

... Perhaps we should take you to see Father, instead.

[screwreality]

[It's weird being around him now that Michi's filed under 'comrade in arms/STILL NOT USING THE F-WORD'. It means that, rather than plaster on her open faults and rip them further, he... doesn't. The bright smile that never meets his glazed eyes still there, arms crossed and waiting while she organizes herself.

The change between his smiles is obvious now. The ones that aren't genuine are a lot less toxic to face.] 「THE OFFER'S STILL OPEN! BUT IF YOU WANT TO KILL ME, DO IT BEFORE YOUR FATHER DOES. HE'LL BE THE LAST TIME.」

[The smile is wrong, but it's still the one that's perfectly okay with whatever choice she makes. Perfectly okay with everything right now. Excellent day.]

[hairpine]

[



Okay let's retreat back behind the fake smile. Frowning feels weird. That's good, it should feel weird to do that. Frowning is bad.]

I don't believe that I can. I would like to be able to do that for you, of course, but I'm simply not strong enough. If there is a "next time," I will try my best then.

In that case, I suppose we should be leaving?

[screwreality]

「HA HA! NO WORRIES, MICHI-CHAN! I KNOW THAT DAY WILL COME SOON ENOUGH!」

[Probably the day she gets smacked in the face with his presence so hard she becomes it and then (hopefully) smacks him back. I'll be awesome. It it happens.

Anyway-]

「LEAD THE WAY! AND PLEASE TELL YOUR FATHER I LIED AFTER HE'S DONE KILLING ME. I WOULDN'T WANT TO RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.」

[hairpine]

[She opens her mouth to ask but -

you know what it's probably better if she doesn't. It's no big deal, right?]

It seems unlikely that he would kill you with me in the immediate area -- so I may excuse myself...

[To. Go buy poison on the off chance he doesn't actually kill him.]

Regardless, please do hurry back!

[screwreality]

「...I'LL TRY.」

[Though it's with the defeatist tone of someone who knows it's not gonna happen. Sob, Ajimu's gonna be pissed, but fuck her feelings, can't be tamed.]

[hairpine]

... Rather, return as quickly as you can! If you are away for too long, then everyone will worry.

[~OPTIMISMMM~

But then they're at the door, so.]

There are some errands that I must run! Father is at home today, however -- unless it aids you in angering him, Kumagawa, could you please inform him that I've gone to do some shopping?

[screwreality]

「LIKE I CARE!」

[Translation: He'll be back soon. And he looks at the door and around the scenery before turning back to her with both hands on his hips.]

「OF COURSE, MICHI-CHAN! AND WHERE'S YOUR TOOL SHED?」

[hairpine]

... Do you require some sort of tool?

[Well. Ok.

She'll just... lead him around back then.]

[screwreality]

「AH, YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.」

[And he just opens the door like her servants are completely useless and don't lock their sheds. Or he undid the lock whatever.

After a few seconds out of sight, there's a sigh.]

「HEYYY MICHI-CHAN, I NEED YOUR HELP WITH SOMETHING!」

[hairpine]

[Well this sure doesn't seem unsafe at all let's go check it out. In we go.]

Yes, what is it?

[screwreality]

[She'll know she messed up because a few seconds after wandering in, the door slams shut. And there's the sound of a rake or some sort of garden implement through the door handles.]

「DON'T WORRY MICHI-CHAN, I'LL LET YOU OUT BEFORE I DIE! PLEASE DON'T HOLD IT AGAINST ME! I'M NOT SORRY ANYWAY!」

[He's kind of sorry.]