I feel like Saint Nicholas is pulling my leg

[cloistre]

[So. THE DAY HAS FINALLY ARRIVED, LONDON. It is Christmas. A light snow falls upon the city, and even the Old Ones seem quiet and non-existent against the hustle and bustle of people giving gifts or doing emergency shopping despite the chances that literally nothing is actually open right now.

But that's probably just wishful thinking. You could pretend, if you tried hard enough.

What are you doing?]

Comments

[hairpine]

Kumagawa, please, treat your life with more care! What if you had died while operating under the rules that you've created?

[There is no change in her tone of voice, because there never is, but it still manages to carry the distinct feeling he's being scolded.]

You mustn't go out with your clothing in such poor condition! You may be arrested!

[screwreality]

「THEN THAT MEANS I LOST.」

[duhhhhhh-Half-scold him all you like Michi! Any work she's done trying to improve his self-worth goes out the window when games are involved. Or bombs! OR GAMES WITH BOMBS those are the best ones yesss-]

「THAT'S A DUMB REASON TO ARREST SOMEBODY. BUT WHATEVER! I'LL JUST KILL THEM IF THEY TRY.」

[hairpine]

[Huffing, crossing her arms!]

I would be upset if you died without coming back!

[screwreality]

「HA HA! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!」

[That thought is just silly enough to have him go back to picking up envelopes and laughing. That's silly Michi. You're silly for saying silly things.]

[hairpine]

If you aren't allowed to heal yourself, Kumagawa, then resurrection is against the rules as well.

[She notices the envelopes the second time around though, which. Also brings her memory back to the box she's holding. ... Oops?]

Were you planning to distribute Christmas cards...?

[screwreality]

「I CAN'T CONTROL MY REVIVAL. SO IF I RESURRECT, THAT MEANS I CHEATED. WHICH MEANS I LOSE! WE TALKED ABOUT THE RULES AFTER I ATTACKED HER.」

[After. And he already delivered Michi's so he is IMMEDIATELY hiding the envelopes in his battered jacket. Nope nope not getting caught on being nice noooope.]

「I'M SPREADING BAD TIDINGS. THAT'S AS CLOSE TO CHRISTMAS AS I'M GETTING!」

[hairpine]

To me, as well? How awful!

[She doesn't sound angry, but she's immediately trying to make her way to the mailbox. Gotta open it before someone with good luck does.]

[screwreality]

[oh god oh god oh god- not moving away from the mailbox.]

「YOU WOULD EXPOSE MY TRUE INTENTIONS TO THE LIGHT OF DAY? MICHI-CHAN, YOU KNOW I DON'T APPROVE OF EXHIBITIONISM! DON'T DRAG ME INTO YOUR FETISHES!」

[hairpine]

[What does that even mean, isn't that a mental disorder - wait
what

She goes a hilarious shade of pink at the word "fetish," which disappears when she connects it to the word "exhibitionism," because like, that doesn't even make any sense, man.]

I do object to the overall spread of bad tidings, but your life is yours to live! It is not my place to stop you -- however, what if Father or Miss Helen were to open such a letter? I can not allow the possibility of my family being cursed with such awful luck, Kumagawa! Please, limit yourself to myself, Mr Sei, and the remainder of London's population!

[screwreality]

[He is nothing if not a master of deflection! Most of the time. Sometimes. Whenever Michi isn't trying to catch him in the act of nice. She's terrible.]

「I WOULD NEVER WISH HARM UPON YOUR FAMILY, MAYBE! AND YOU'RE RIGHT IN FRONT OF THIS MAILBOX. IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR LETTER CAN DISAPPEAR WHILE IT'S IN THERE.」

[hairpine]

[But -]

... The one in front of the mailbox is you, Kumagawa.

[But whatever she'll leave it alone for right now :T Trying to hand him this stupid gift-wrapped box! It is about medium size, if he shakes it he can probably hear something moving around, but it's muffled.]

Regardless, thank you for coming to visit me today! You've saved me quite a walk...

[screwreality]

「I KNOW.」

[He also knows how much Michi hates that game, but guess if he cares? No! Because Michi is threatening him with boxes again and he takes it with the half-unconscious focus someone who's injured and doesn't get presents does.

Please imagine a good deal of panic in the remaining brackets here while the reality goes on opposite to it.]

「I'M GLAD! WALKING SO UNDERDRESSED IN THIS TERRIBLE WEATHER WOULD KILL YOU MICHI!」

[hairpine]

... Underdressed?

[She takes a quick, self-conscious look at herself; she doesn't feel underdressed, but for all she knows, she could be naked and hallucinating, honestly.

But the clothes are still there, no matter how hard she focuses and clears her mind to see her true, nude form. Because she's clothed.]

I do not feel the cold to an uncomfortable extent... do you believe that I should wear a heavier coat, Kumagawa...?

[screwreality]

[She may realize a beat too late that it was obviously a snide reference to his own clothes and not hers. Which is why he laughs at her.]

「ONLY IF RHOGOG STARTS ACTING UP, HA HA!」

[Mentally, this is where They start screeching at him for referring to one of Them by name. But, surprise of surprises, he gives no shits.]

「BUT I WOULD SUGGEST MINISKIRTS! SHARE YOUR MAGNIFICENT THIGHS WITH THE WORLD, MICHI-CHAN!」

[he's just deflecting he's just deflecting he's just deflecting]

[hairpine]

[She never does quite get it, because she's immediately thrown off once by the namedrop, which prompts her to scold him, but then his suggestion ensures that never actually happens.

She's seen those girls, Kumagawa, she could never!]

-- I would be arrested!

[screwreality]

[Master. Of. Deflection. If he keeps up this pace, he might be able to get out of here without being accused of kindness! Yes.]

「NEVER FEAR! FOR THE SAKE OF GIRLS' UNDERWEAR EVERYWHERE, I WILL NEVER LET YOUR LEGS BE ARRESTED!」

[hairpine]

[um

um!!!]

If I were to wear something so exposing, Kumagawa, I would certainly be arrested regardless of your efforts! ... In addition, I don't own any clothes of that nature.

[screwreality]

「I CAN TAKE AJIMU'S SKIRT.」

[The smile means the offer is mostly to make his girlfriend mad. Welp.]

[hairpine]

[um!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

-- Kumagawa, for what reason are you so intent on having me dress in that way?

[screwreality]

「SO THAT I CAN EMBARRASS YOU ENOUGH THAT I CAN ESCAPE WITHOUT YOU FOLLOWING ME!」

[That is way too honest for him, which means it's obviously a lie. ...Right? Right.]

[hairpine]

[Goddammit.]

... Is that a lie? If it isn't, then I refuse to be embarrassed by you!

[screwreality]

「IT'S NOT.」

[Which is what he answers whenever something is a lie. God. Damn. Liars.]

[hairpine]

[If that's a lie then that means he's lying when he said he wants to embarrass her but why would he suggest she wear a miniskirt otherwise ???]

Then, if you have promised to murder any officers that come to arrest me, I shall wear it.

[screwreality]

[Dammit she's getting better at this game shit shit shit - HE WILL NOT BE DEFEATEEEED!!!]

「OF COURSE! I WILL ALWAYS COME TO THE DEFENSE OF PANTYSHOTS!」

[hairpine]

[The mention of pantyshots throws her off -- shit shit shit if she's wearing a short skirt people can see her underwear -- BUT SHE WILL NOT LOSE THIS.]

Of course! There are, I have heard, stores that sell clothing that caters to you people from other worlds. I shall purchase underwear that you are familiar with!