I feel like Saint Nicholas is pulling my leg

[cloistre]

[So. THE DAY HAS FINALLY ARRIVED, LONDON. It is Christmas. A light snow falls upon the city, and even the Old Ones seem quiet and non-existent against the hustle and bustle of people giving gifts or doing emergency shopping despite the chances that literally nothing is actually open right now.

But that's probably just wishful thinking. You could pretend, if you tried hard enough.

What are you doing?]

Comments

[screwreality]

「SO THAT I CAN EMBARRASS YOU ENOUGH THAT I CAN ESCAPE WITHOUT YOU FOLLOWING ME!」

[That is way too honest for him, which means it's obviously a lie. ...Right? Right.]

[hairpine]

[Goddammit.]

... Is that a lie? If it isn't, then I refuse to be embarrassed by you!

[screwreality]

「IT'S NOT.」

[Which is what he answers whenever something is a lie. God. Damn. Liars.]

[hairpine]

[If that's a lie then that means he's lying when he said he wants to embarrass her but why would he suggest she wear a miniskirt otherwise ???]

Then, if you have promised to murder any officers that come to arrest me, I shall wear it.

[screwreality]

[Dammit she's getting better at this game shit shit shit - HE WILL NOT BE DEFEATEEEED!!!]

「OF COURSE! I WILL ALWAYS COME TO THE DEFENSE OF PANTYSHOTS!」

[hairpine]

[The mention of pantyshots throws her off -- shit shit shit if she's wearing a short skirt people can see her underwear -- BUT SHE WILL NOT LOSE THIS.]

Of course! There are, I have heard, stores that sell clothing that caters to you people from other worlds. I shall purchase underwear that you are familiar with!

[screwreality]

[Oh Michi. Trying to challenge him is admirable, but you chose his home playing field.]

「BLACK THIGH-HIGH SOCKS ENDING TEN INCHES ABOVE THE KNEE, SHORT PLEATED SKIRT OF... HOW ABOUT A DARK RED TO MATCH YOUR EYES? AND THE PANTIES SHOULD BE WHITE LACE TO REPRESENT YOUR INNOCENCE! YOU'LL BEAR THE MARK OF THE ABSOLUTE TERRITORY AND THE DARKER SHADES WILL MAKE PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE SOMEONE REFINED, BUT A GUST OF WIND WILL SHOW THEM OTHERWISE! MAKE SURE YOUR SHOES ARE FLATS! HEELS WOULD MAKE IT SEEM LIKE IT'S ON PURPOSE! THE SHIRT SHOULD BE LONG-SLEEVED, LIGHTER COLORS. REMEMBER! INNOCENCE! MAKE SURE YOU COME OFF AS OBLIVIOUS AS POSSIBLE TO THE SEXUAL POWER OF YOUR LEGS, MICHI-CHAN! THEN ALL MEN WILL FALL TO THE POWER OF YOUR WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!」

[hairpine]

[What

What............................................................]

[screwreality]

[He'll wait. Sparkling with ~CHARISMA~ the whole time. But somewhere internally he is logic-ing out every possible reason this win is still a loss.

Poor Michi.]

[hairpine]

[So that's what boys from the future like...........................................................................

Give her a few more seconds. Staring;]

-- I don't have any interest in attracting men, Kumagawa!

[screwreality]

「EVEN BETTER! YOU CAN TAKE THE ICE QUEEN ARCHETYPE! THEN PEOPLE WILL PAY TO BE CRUSHED UNDER YOUR HEELS!」

[Her recovery is impressive, but ill-fated. Except defeat Michi. Break in front of him-- Nah, maybe not, he's content just messing with her. He'll break face eventually.]

[hairpine]

But, if I were to step on someone -- that would be painful for them, yes? Through a series of... rather unfortunate accidents, I once had my hand stepped upon by a woman's heel. It was painful. For what reason could someone derive pleasure from such an experience? Is that what is referred to as masochism?

[screwreality]

[That first part is a little bit heartbreaking because he knows how it feels. But that will be one of the secrets he dies with, thought stalkers! Fight him!]

「CORRECT! THOUGH YOU MAY BE CATERING TO THE SPECIFIC FIELD OF DOMINATRICES.」

[hairpine]

Those people are insane.

[screwreality]

「THAT'S RUDE, MICHI-CHAN! MY GIRLFRIEND BEATS ME UP ON THURSDAYS.」

[hairpine]

-- I apologise, it was not my intention to offend... I myself am not sane, of course! However... that sort of condition is considered to be a type of mental disorder, isn't it?

[screwreality]

「I HAVE PLENTY OF MENTAL DISORDERS, BUT THAT'S NOT ONE OF THEM! I'M JUST MESSING WITH YOU.」

[Villains.jpg.]

[hairpine]

...

[Ruuuuuuude.]

Regardless, Kumagawa, if you still have time, please, do open your gift!

[screwreality]

[What are you talking about Michi, he's already wearing a scarf. And what present? There's no box.]

「I WOULD, BUT I THINK I'M IN A HURRY. WHAT GIFT DID YOU GET ANYWAY?」

[Stupid reality warping bastardklasjfkla]

[hairpine]

[He also got a stupid letter and some porn, but she is more distracted by the fact that THE BOX IS GONE]

-- Your gift --

I did hand it to you, didn't I, Kumagawa...?

[screwreality]

「YOU DID.」

[It probably vanished into the abyss of his jacket with the rest of his bad-but-really-good-tidings christmas cards.]

[hairpine]

Oh... thank goodness.

I would rather not keep you from your fight! Miss Elizabeth is my friend as well, of course, but please, do avoid losing to her. I believe that I'll make an attempt at wearing a "miniskirt" when we next meet! Please, do your utmost best to murder anyone mistaking me for a prostitute!

[screwreality]

「HA HA! IF MICHI-CHAN WEARS A MINISKIRT FOR MY SAKE, I MIGHT FIND IT IN ME TO TRY TO WIN.」

[He is entirely joking, because They quickly hiss in a breath then exhale it as a relieved sigh. Because]

「SHE'LL PROBABLY KILL ME THOUGH. OH WELL.」

[hairpine]

You must be more optimistic!

[screwreality]

「I'M BEING REALISTIC! THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE!」