[HAPPY HOLIDAYS ASSHOLES! ♥]

[screwreality]

[It's ten days before Christmas! Most stores and houses are already decorated with wreaths and candles and paper snowflakes other ridiculous signs of festivity that no one cares about. Obnoxious carrolers and sobbing homeless beggars lie in wait around every corner, ready to pounce you and suffocate you in holiday spirit. It is also snowing in that one happy speed, somewhere between flurries and goddamn blizzard. A consequence means it's also freezing out, but no one seems to care that much. Neither should you!

The only thing missing is one of those Santa cosplayers, two elven attendants at either side, with the long line of starry-eyed children and panicking parents waiting to speak with an overweight man in a suit. Everyone knows them. Make stores crowded and everyone too young/without kids/being grumpy jerks walking in a wide berth and glaring at the congregation. This particular moment of joy seems to be suspiciously missing.

Completely not-suspicious at all, one may find a teenager in the park juggling heads. Yes, heads. No, that is not a typo. The fact one is an old man with a beard is completely irrelevant. And also not suspicious. It's not his fault. He found them there! Stop judging!]

「AH, THIS IS TERRIBLE. I PROMISED ELIZABETH-SAN I'D BE NICER FOR THE HOLIDAYS. I GUESS I'M NOT NORMAL ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH ALL THESE HAPPY PEOPLE. ISN'T THAT RIGHT?」

[That last part is directed to Santa's head, caught in one hand while the other two are tossed around in the other. Then back to three in both hands and humming to 'Oh, Christmas Tree'. The lyrics are probably nothing anyone wants to hear.]

Comments

[fliesbynight]

[Lemina is out doing her usual forceful recruiting methods and it's going as well as usual, too. But there is that weird gross boy again and he's doing... weird gross boy things. In her view!! Rude.]

Hey! You know in the by-laws of London, that could be considered an eyesore to the public and worth a fine?!

[screwreality]

「AND BY LONDON LAW, I AM ALSO A MURDERER. BUT OH! THIS IS TERRIBLE! I CAN'T FIND IT IN ME TO CARE! I'VE LOST IT IN A NIGHTMARISH ACCIDENT OF MY YOUTH WHEN I WAS LOCKED IN THE BASEMENT FOR TWO MONTHS! HOW DARE YOU BRING UP MY TRAUMATIC BACKSTORY!」

[He is sobbing in complete misery!!! But the juggling doesn't even miss a beat. The best actor in England everyone.]

[fliesbynight]

[Lemina puts her hands on her hips. Damn he's good...]

You can't just bring up your backstory like that and expect someone to care! It was mega irrelevant! You're a good enough actor to work it in!

[A beat. Then.]

...Say, have you ever thought of acting professionally? Of course, for a small finder's fee I can get you the best coaches in London!

[screwreality]

「I WOULD HOPE IT'S IRRELEVANT! YOU THINK A BACKSTORY FROM SOME THIRD-RATE SOAP OPERA WOULD WORK FOR SOMEONE LIKE ME? DON'T INSULT ME LIKE THAT!」

[A beat. Then. A sigh, one hand resting on his heart, and it's the kind of disdainful expression that means her depressed poor-girl foreigner act will work on him.]

「NO!」

[Wait, no it didn't.]

[fliesbynight]

Oh, pooh! Be that way! But you won't make a living juggling in the park!

[Why is she bothering trying to teach this kid how to use his clearly amazing talents for money that she won't even get to have? Must be Christmas spirit.]

I'm going to tell you something free of charge just this once. You have valuable abilities in a place like this! I can sense the power in you. So make sure you don't sell yourself cheap, kid!

[Pause.] And remember your dear financial adviser when you go on your inevitable rampage!

[transiens]

[Kumagawa you are getting a lump of coal for Christmas. Elizabeth watches from behind before suddenly tapping him on the shoulder.]

Is that in the holiday spirit?

[screwreality]

[It's okay! He never gets presents anyway. Well, except for shrapnel bombs and potassium cyanide, ha ha! He glances at her with the same faint smile of when he's content being terrible.

Then he realizes it's Elizabeth and the smile doesn't change. But he does freeze and drop a head.]

「... YES?」

[transiens]

[She considers this for a moment. What was the proper reaction...? She saw it once...]

Hmm... Oh, that was it. [Elizabeth lifts her hand and gives a light but sharp smack on his nose.]

No.

[screwreality]

[The reaction is instantaneous. The heads get dropped simply because he recoils a step and puts both hands over his face. The look she gets is one of blank "what".

She can be amazed knowing it's one of the few genuine emotions she's got out of him that wasn't fury.

But it also turns into sobbing a second later. Okay, no, he's back behind his masks. Oh well.] 「AH, ELIZABETH-SAN, YOU--! NO ONE'S EVER SCOLDED ME BEFORE! WELL, ONE PERSON DID, AND HE HAD TO SUFFER, BUT YOU'RE MY FRIEND SO I'LL LET IT SLIDE.」

[transiens]

[She blinks a few times, just as surprised. But she doesn't call him out on it. It isn't out of consideration so much as she is just that startled. Pleasantly so!

She smiles and this time pats him on the head.]

Thank you. But death is not in the Christmas spirit. I learned that there was a story written about a man about to commit a grave sin against his own life. An angel appeared to him and showed him the world without him. It inspired him to live a full life.

[Elizabeth lightly toes at a head.] Of course, it's too late for these. But you have a way with words. Why not try your hand at inspirational speaking for Christmas cheer?

[hairpine]

[As people do, she sees the heads first. Over the course of the last few months, she has gone from "Oh dead bodies are cool" to "Oh dead bodies are terrifying" and back again -- so there is an initial repulsion at the very sight, which she does her damnedest to shove back down, with limited success.

Then she hears the song he's humming and starts to sing along for a bit. Distractions!]

[screwreality]

[Michi~! She earns a bright smile and continuing his routine of humming and being stupid for a bit. Eyes glazed over and content being an idiot out of his mind.

But then memories catch up and his darkness isn't as content as it usually is, so Michi gets sparkled at.] 「WHAT DO YOU WANT AS A GIFT, MICHI-CHAN?」

[hairpine]

[A thoughtful little pause :|a she's not unused to getting Christmas gifts, but having friends is a very recent thing.]

Oh, there's no need to get me anything at all, Kumagawa! Please, save your money -- it would be best used purchasing something that you like, wouldn't it?

[... Another pause.]

What do you like?

[screwreality]

「I HAVE TO.」

[He doesn't explain why he has to, because her second question finally registers in his thoughts.

He drops a head.]

「ME? HA HA! NOTHING! I DON'T NEED OR LIKE OR WANT ANYTHING AT ALL. IS THIS NIRVANA? DOES THIS MEAN I'M WELCOMED INTO THE AFTERLIFE WITH A PURE SOUL? TOO BAD IT'S ME. I'M SURE THE OTHER DEVAS ARE HEARTBROKEN!」

[hairpine]

[... Opens her mouth to ask why, but her interest ends up caught by all these words she only vaguely knows!]

Is that Buddhism? Are you from Japan, Kumagawa?

[virinosa]

[You're missing a head, all of a sudden.

Oh wait there it is in some girl's lap. Can't have anything to do with this worried-looking green-eyed kid who absolutely reeks of Them to someone like Kumagawa, not at all.]

Waaaaah, that's completely disgusting!

[screwreality]

[That innocent green-eyed girl gets a long enough time for her to scream that. Then right as she finishes, another head collides with her face.]

「SHUT UP! YOU'RE DISTURBING THE PEACE AND YOUR FACE IS IRRITATING!」

[...This feels like the world's biggest hypocrisy and then some.]

[virinosa]

[The kid stands up--wait a sec, that's a boy, isn't it, not that anyone can tell. Something about his face just screams 'heroine', doesn't it?

Until he smiles, that is.]

That voice...oh, for a moment I almost mistook you for someone else, how sad.

[screwreality]

「AND THEN YOU SAY I'M JUST SOME REMINDER! I'M A PERSON WITH FEELINGS YOU BASTARD!」

[Sobbing into his free hand. Doesn't lose pace tossing the final head. Wiping his tears away a minute later.]

「NO, FOR SERIOUS. IF YOU'RE A WUSS, YOU SHOULD JUST RUN HOME RIGHT NOW.」

[virinosa]

Your voice isn't at all as beautiful as Theirs, it's true.

[He suddenly reaches out to wipe away any last tears.]

Don't fake it, it's so much prettier when people are really sad.

[leviathaned]

[Have you ever heard someone play the violin equivalent of 'fuck you and die and a hole', Kumagawa? Now you have.

It's very pretty besides the fact that Sei is wondering if he can choke you with Santa's head.]

[screwreality]

[He gets a slow bright smile when he hears it. Then proceeds to switch to jugging with one hand while staring right at him.

He even manages a handstand without breaking pace.] 「OH SEI-KUN! NO HARD FEELINGS, RIGHT? I'M NOT TAKING MONEY FOR MY SERVICES LIKE SOME BROKE LOSERS I CAN NAME!」

[leviathaned]

[He shifts the violin bow slightly, and it makes a horrific screaming noise...before he goes back to perfectly pleasant playing.]

I suppose it must be hard, to know Christmas will go on no matter what you do.

[screwreality]

[He doesn't even care about your terrible playing, you homeless idiot! Still holding a pleasant conversation from his awkward position.]

「OF COURSE IT WOULD. THERE'S TOO MUCH EMOTION WRAPPED UP IN THE WHOLE HOLIDAY. MY ABILITY ISN'T PERFECT YOU KNOW! THAT WOULD BE A PARADOX! NOBODY LIKES THOSE! SOMEWHERE A COMPUTER RAN INTO ONE, GAINED SENTIENCE, AND THEN EXTERMINATED THE ENTIRE PLANET. OH, OR DID SHE TAKE OVER A VIDEO GAME. I DON'T REMEMBER THAT WELL. SORRY!」

[leviathaned]

...[This look? This look is Sei trying to determine exactly how fucking high you are while crazy.]