[HAPPY HOLIDAYS ASSHOLES! ♥]

[screwreality]

[It's ten days before Christmas! Most stores and houses are already decorated with wreaths and candles and paper snowflakes other ridiculous signs of festivity that no one cares about. Obnoxious carrolers and sobbing homeless beggars lie in wait around every corner, ready to pounce you and suffocate you in holiday spirit. It is also snowing in that one happy speed, somewhere between flurries and goddamn blizzard. A consequence means it's also freezing out, but no one seems to care that much. Neither should you!

The only thing missing is one of those Santa cosplayers, two elven attendants at either side, with the long line of starry-eyed children and panicking parents waiting to speak with an overweight man in a suit. Everyone knows them. Make stores crowded and everyone too young/without kids/being grumpy jerks walking in a wide berth and glaring at the congregation. This particular moment of joy seems to be suspiciously missing.

Completely not-suspicious at all, one may find a teenager in the park juggling heads. Yes, heads. No, that is not a typo. The fact one is an old man with a beard is completely irrelevant. And also not suspicious. It's not his fault. He found them there! Stop judging!]

「AH, THIS IS TERRIBLE. I PROMISED ELIZABETH-SAN I'D BE NICER FOR THE HOLIDAYS. I GUESS I'M NOT NORMAL ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH ALL THESE HAPPY PEOPLE. ISN'T THAT RIGHT?」

[That last part is directed to Santa's head, caught in one hand while the other two are tossed around in the other. Then back to three in both hands and humming to 'Oh, Christmas Tree'. The lyrics are probably nothing anyone wants to hear.]

Comments

[virinosa]

Oh, don't be like that! Besides, you don't need this at all, right? So it's fine if I take it.

[He looks up at the sky, almost cheerful in a terrible, horrible way.]

You don't really need any of this. You should give it to someone who does!

[screwreality]

「NO WAY! IF I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD, I'LL KEEP DOING IT! I'M NOT SORRY. AND NEXT TIME ROB YOUR OWN HUMANS.」

[His only problem is it means he has to mug someone else later. Work, bluhhh. And that second part earns a bright smile and ~charisma sparkles~.

If he hears Them, They are immediately perking up that he should back away slowly before the crazy kid gets too excited.]

「ARE YOU ASKING ME PERMISSION TO DESTROY REALITY? YOU'RE AN IDIOT! JUST GO AHEAD AND DO IT. OR DO YOU NEED HELP OR SOMETHING? SORRY, BUT I'M ON VACATION. I'LL GO BACK TO GENOCIDE WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO IT!」

[virinosa]

I meant that power of yours.

[Liam has never been very good at listening, but he shrugs and starts to turns away.]

I bet there's a looooot of people who could stand to be soaked in despair and hate like that, they could learn a lot. It's pretty cool, but I think you don't really need something like that to be strong now, right?

[The worst part is, it really is a completely genuine compliment.]

If you're on vacation though, I guess I won't interrupt, that's not something people take when they don't need it...

[screwreality]

「IT'S NOT MINE. I'M JUST LOOKING AFTER IT UNTIL THE OWNER TAKES IT BACK. TAKE POWER FROM SOMEONE ELSE!」

[And, funnily enough, compliments from other crazy people are translated. And even accepted without turning into an idiot.]

「HA HA! I KNOW. BUT JUST MAKING THEM SUFFER ALL THE TIME MAKES THEM DESENSITIZED! LET THEM HAVE THEIR CHRISTMAS. THEN THEY'LL HAVE PLENTY OF HOPE FOR THE NEW YEAR I CAN DESTROY!」

「WHY NOT DO SOME WORK YOURSELF AND NOT STEAL OTHER PEOPLE'S THINGS THAT I STOLE FROM ME.」

[virinosa]

I'm already working, why else would I be out in this weather?

It's not everyone who needs to suffer, just the people who don't already. What's the point in making suffering people suffer more?

[screwreality]

「BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IDIOT?」

「AND IF THEY'RE TRULY AT THE DEPTHS OF SUFFERING, THEN THEY WOULD BE THRIVING ON IT! IF THEY'RE NOT, THEY'RE NOT REALLY SUFFERING! BESIDES. DON'T START ARGUING YOU'RE FIGHTING FOR EQUALITY LETTING THE WEAK BE HAPPY AND THE STRONG BE MISERABLE. THAT'S JUST TURNING OVER AN HOURGLASS! EQUALITY DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT!」

[virinosa]

I don't want equality! I just want everyone to understand one another.

Before I kill every last Englishman and take over, anyway. ♥

[screwreality]

「OH, THAT'S ALL? MORON, GO SPEAK TO THE ME FROM THREE YEARS AGO. I DON'T HAVE THAT POWER ANYMORE.」

[A beat.]

「AND I'M NOT ENGLISH! ... OH RIGHT, I CAN'T DIE EITHER. DON'T TOUCH MY HOUSE AND YOU CAN LIVE TO RULE THE WORLD OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU KIDS DO THESE DAYS.」

[virinosa]

I can tell! You don't look english at alllll.

[SUDDENLY you don't mind facetouching right?] Not anymore? What is that power anyway?

[screwreality]

「IT'S BECAUSE I'M SHORT ISN'T IT. I'M SO OFFENDED I COULD CRY!」

[He doesn't. Nor does he pull away. His issue isn't really contact so much as affection. And this kid is as bugshit crazy as the Minus back home and it's hilariously the most comforting thing in the city, next to Elizabeth killing him with books.

But shush, what happens in brackets stays in brackets.]

「YOU'RE NOT FROM MY WORLD, AND I'M GETTING SICK OF EXPLAINING IT! BUT FOR YOU IT'S OKAY.」

「AH, HOW TO PUT IT IN WORDS... I'M THE EMBODIMENT OF EVERYTHING THEY DESPISE. I USED TO BE ABLE TO FORCE IT BACK ON THEM, BUT THEN I REALIZED SOMETHING! MAKING THEM UNDERSTAND IS A WASTE OF TIME. IT'S EASIER TO JUST KILL THEM!」

[virinosa]

Short and oriental.

Maybe it's easier, and I probably could, but it's not good enough for me! It's not really your problem, though, so it's okay that you don't care.

[screwreality]

「AND DIMENSIONALLY DISPLACED. LONDON, THE HOME OF SPECIAL SNOWFLAKES!」

[And there's an odd, ominous silence here at the second part, blankly staring up at the sky like someone listening to something only they can hear.

The smile when he comes back to focus is a few shades less Goddamned Insane.]

「HOW ABOUT THIS. WHEN I GIVE THIS POWER BACK TO ITS' OWNER, I'LL FIND YOU. THEN I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO UNDERSTAND EVERYONE. THEN EVERYONE ELSE AFTER. HELPING HUMANITY BECOME ONE IS A NOBLE CAUSE TO SUPPORT, RIGHT?」

[The fact it seems less insane somehow makes his entire presence come off as about twenty times more dangerous and revolting. This is totally just in your mind it's not obviously it's not obviously]

[virinosa]

[The more disgusting Kumagawa gets, the bigger Liam's shadow grows, until it seems to stand, wrapping around them both like a hug and that's not a shadow--]

Hahaha, that's really kind of you! It makes them happy!

[screwreality]

[There's a short moment staring blankly at the presence - finally registering what it is. Like everyone else.

Contrast to everyone else, the smile comes back. Ignoring how that terrible feeling he has never leaves, one could say it's almost... serene.

Liam gets a headpat. It is the single most disgusting thing that has happened in his life.]

「I'M GLAD. I HATE EVERY LIVING THING ON THIS PLANET. BUT I WANT THEM ALL TO UNDERSTAND THEM. MAYBE THEY'D BE SOMETHING WORTH LIVING THING.」

「IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY AIMING FOR?」