[HAPPY HOLIDAYS ASSHOLES! ♥]

[screwreality]

[It's ten days before Christmas! Most stores and houses are already decorated with wreaths and candles and paper snowflakes other ridiculous signs of festivity that no one cares about. Obnoxious carrolers and sobbing homeless beggars lie in wait around every corner, ready to pounce you and suffocate you in holiday spirit. It is also snowing in that one happy speed, somewhere between flurries and goddamn blizzard. A consequence means it's also freezing out, but no one seems to care that much. Neither should you!

The only thing missing is one of those Santa cosplayers, two elven attendants at either side, with the long line of starry-eyed children and panicking parents waiting to speak with an overweight man in a suit. Everyone knows them. Make stores crowded and everyone too young/without kids/being grumpy jerks walking in a wide berth and glaring at the congregation. This particular moment of joy seems to be suspiciously missing.

Completely not-suspicious at all, one may find a teenager in the park juggling heads. Yes, heads. No, that is not a typo. The fact one is an old man with a beard is completely irrelevant. And also not suspicious. It's not his fault. He found them there! Stop judging!]

「AH, THIS IS TERRIBLE. I PROMISED ELIZABETH-SAN I'D BE NICER FOR THE HOLIDAYS. I GUESS I'M NOT NORMAL ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH ALL THESE HAPPY PEOPLE. ISN'T THAT RIGHT?」

[That last part is directed to Santa's head, caught in one hand while the other two are tossed around in the other. Then back to three in both hands and humming to 'Oh, Christmas Tree'. The lyrics are probably nothing anyone wants to hear.]

Comments

[transiens]

[She taps her chin. If she was just a little stupider, she'd think he was shaking from the cold.]

I see. Tell me about this person? I will help you think of a suitable reward.

[screwreality]

[Considering the fact he just wears his uniform all the time, he probably just makes his colds become nothing. Or the phrase about idiots unable to be caught. Probably that one.]

「OH, I KILLED HER.」 [That is a bad start.] 「AND SHE DOES THAT... THING YOU DO. UNDERSTANDING WHAT I SAY. I FIGURED THAT EARNED HER SOMETHING NOT OUT TO DESTROY HER LIFE.」

[It's not like he likes her as a friend or anything. Brrrrr]

[transiens]

[She sighs.] I don't approve of the way you met her but I'm... happy... yes, very happy, to know she, too, wishes to forge a deeper bond with you. I gladly encourage it. In fact... Please invite her to dinner one night.

[screwreality]

「DON'T ENCOURAGE A THING! I'M NOT HAVING ANYTHING TO DO WITH BONDS.」

[Then that last part registers.

Wait for it.


Wait.

Okay there we go.]

「W-NO! WHY DO YOU WANT TO MEET HER ANYWAY?!」

[transiens]

I want to meet this friend of yours. Is that not how friendship works?

[Pause. Then she smiles.]

Ah, yes... Please leave Christopher off your Christmas list. Thank you.

[screwreality]

[No it isn't, and he's about to say as much, but then Elizabeth ruins everyone's fun. RUDE!]

「WHAAAT. DO I HAVE TO? I HAD EVERYTHING SET UP PERFECT ALREADY! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY DAYS THAT TOOK?!」

[transiens]

Consider it my only request this Christmas.

[screwreality]

[...

...

...

Sitting down. Totally not sulking. You suck Elizabeth.]

「FIIINE.」

[transiens]

[She crouches down near him, her serene smile just a bit warmer.]

Thank you. Now... What is her name? When will she be available? I need to practice my culinary skills before then. Humans are picky about what they deem 'food' at times...

[screwreality]

「DO YOU WANT TO MEET HER THAT BADLY?」

[A simple question, but the feeling in the air is that same acid he normally keeps down. Answer wisely, Assistant.]

[transiens]

[She considers it.]

I want to know the same people you know. The people in your life are interesting to me because I am interested in you.

[screwreality]

「THEN THAT'S YOUR PRESENT.」

[Between her and Michi, everything he says will get seen through completely and it'll suck. But he can always kill himself to get out of it, whatev. And that's the second problem.]

「BUT YOU CAN ONLY MEET ONE 'HER'.」

[transiens]

...As much as I would like to meet 'her' as well... [Elizabeth hesitates. Feelings are hard to put into words.] ...That would be your choice. Walking into that realm would be easy. But I won't without your... 'permission' is wrong. 'Invitation.'

So you have nothing to fear from that.

[screwreality]

「YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO WALK IN ANYWAY. 'SHE' WOULDN'T BE THERE. AND MY PERMISSION DOESN'T MATTER EITHER. IF SHE WANTED TO MEET YOU THAT BADLY, YOU'D HAVE SPOKEN BY NOW.」

[There is a small change in speech here that makes it sound like he's talking more about God or a monster than some abusive girlfriend. Poking the ground a bit in annoyance.]

「I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE'S DOING. MAYBE SHE'S NOT EVEN ALIVE ANYMORE. MAYBE SHE AVOIDS YOU BECAUSE YOU CAN KEEP HER DEAD.」

[transiens]

Higher beings are difficult to understand. I was created by one, as was my master. [Must be rough dating one...] Perhaps she finds me unworthy of her time. Or she has a different idea in mind.

[screwreality]

「I UNDERSTAND HER PERFECTLY.」

[An easy enough sentence, until you realize he said it. What.]

「SHE AVOIDS TALKING TO ME IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE CAUGHT. BUT THEN SHE SHOULD'VE VISITED YOU DIRECTLY! NOT CONSTANTLY BEAT ME UP AND PESTER ME ABOUT BEING NICE TO YOU. SO WHAT IS IT? IS SHE STUCK THERE? OR IS SHE DEAD FOREVER? MAYBE I'M JUST HALLUCINATING HER? I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE DREAMS ANYMORE. MAYBE I NEVER DID.」

[transiens]

[Wow, he understands his girlfriend...

That's kind of confusing really.]

I'm real enough to you, isn't that right? I am a being which exists outside of time, between realms, within the subconscious. I never ventured far but I have now as you can see. Perhaps she can't venture far here. But please tell her hello for me.

[screwreality]

[She is the only person he ever has and ever will understand, dammit, stop trying to mess with that second one.]

「BUT I KILLED HER.」

[For how easily he's been dodging around what happened between them, the statement is perfectly civil like the rest of his words. Well.]

「SHE'S DEAD AND BURIED AND I EVEN SEALED HER CORPSE TO BE SURE. IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS. I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES HER. IT'S NOT A WORLD BETWEEN WORLDS LIKE YOURS. IT'S JUST 'ME'. BY ALL LOGIC, THAT MEANS I'M NUTS.」

[transiens]

That may be why she beats you so often. Or it may just be a greeting.

[She shrugs a little! She would greet her boyfriend with a fight??]

I don't think you're insane. Of course, that's my opinion.

[screwreality]

「SOMETIMES THEY WERE GREETINGS! SHE BEAT ME UP EVEN BEFORE THAT. ONLY NOW THE FEELINGS AREN'T THE SAME.」

[Marriage counselors everywhere are having conniptions from those three lines.]

「YOUR OPINION IS CORRECT. AND WRONG. AND BOTH! I'M NOT INSANE, BUT I'M CERTAINLY NOT SANE EITHER. HMM... IF I EXPLAIN IT AS A SANE PERSON TRAPPED WITH AN INSANE MAN'S CURSE, WOULD THAT HELP?」

[transiens]

That makes perfect sense to me. [what.] I hope you can regain the... what do they call it... 'magic' of the fights once more.

[screwreality]

[He's more surprised she gets it, but. Well. Her boyfriend. OKAY SURE, roll with it.] 「OH, I DOUBT IT. AS LONG AS SHE'S ANSHIN'IN-SAN, I THINK SHE'LL HATE ME. HER METHOD OF DEATH HAS HER A BIT UNHAPPY.」

[transiens]

Was it traumatic? Spirits of traumatic deaths usually haunt others until the person in question is dead as well.

[screwreality]

「I RIPPED HER FACE OFF TO PROVE I LOVED HER.」

[Said like this makes complete sense. ... Well, there's the problem.]

[transiens]

[Long pause.]

...Did it work?

[...What. She wants to know if he still loved her!]