[HAPPY HOLIDAYS ASSHOLES! ♥]

[screwreality]

[It's ten days before Christmas! Most stores and houses are already decorated with wreaths and candles and paper snowflakes other ridiculous signs of festivity that no one cares about. Obnoxious carrolers and sobbing homeless beggars lie in wait around every corner, ready to pounce you and suffocate you in holiday spirit. It is also snowing in that one happy speed, somewhere between flurries and goddamn blizzard. A consequence means it's also freezing out, but no one seems to care that much. Neither should you!

The only thing missing is one of those Santa cosplayers, two elven attendants at either side, with the long line of starry-eyed children and panicking parents waiting to speak with an overweight man in a suit. Everyone knows them. Make stores crowded and everyone too young/without kids/being grumpy jerks walking in a wide berth and glaring at the congregation. This particular moment of joy seems to be suspiciously missing.

Completely not-suspicious at all, one may find a teenager in the park juggling heads. Yes, heads. No, that is not a typo. The fact one is an old man with a beard is completely irrelevant. And also not suspicious. It's not his fault. He found them there! Stop judging!]

「AH, THIS IS TERRIBLE. I PROMISED ELIZABETH-SAN I'D BE NICER FOR THE HOLIDAYS. I GUESS I'M NOT NORMAL ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH ALL THESE HAPPY PEOPLE. ISN'T THAT RIGHT?」

[That last part is directed to Santa's head, caught in one hand while the other two are tossed around in the other. Then back to three in both hands and humming to 'Oh, Christmas Tree'. The lyrics are probably nothing anyone wants to hear.]

Comments

[hairpine]

... Having no taste is considered to be commonplace in your world?

[screwreality]

「YEP. THERE'S EVEN A BUNCH OF IDIOT SCIENTISTS THAT TEST PEOPLE TO FIND CORRELATIONS AND WASTE TAXPAYER MONEY. DON'T LET YOUR CULTURE KEEP YOU DOWN! FIGHT THE POWER!」

[hairpine]

Ah, but this is all irrelevant!

I have no romantic interest in anyone. It's likely that I'm incapable of forming that sort of interest at all, so this is all rather unimportant, isn't it?

[screwreality]

「I'M ONLY SAYING NOT TO LET IT BOTHER YOU! LOVE SUCKS! AND THUS THE IRRELEVANT CONVERSATION IS OVER! REJOICE OR SOMETHING!」

[hairpine]

What sort of girl do you consider to be attractive, Kumagawa?

[screwreality]

「HA HA! I COULD SAY I LOVE MANY PEOPLE, BUT FOR YOU I'LL BE HONEST! THERE'S ONLY ONE WOMAN I LOVED AND I JUDGE EVERYONE TO HER STANDARDS. IT'S WHY I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN.」

[A beat of pondering as he tosses the last two heads into a bush. Have the cops find 'em later as a present.] 「BUT I'VE BEEN ABLE TO FIGURE OUT I DON'T CARE ABOUT APPEARANCE, THANKS TO HER. YOU COULD ARGUE I LIKE PERSONALITY, BUT SHE WAS A BITCH! SO I'M JUST WEIRD.」

[Understatement.]

[hairpine]

... Was she intelligent? I've overheard other students speaking of that as a desirable quality.

[screwreality]

「I WOULD HOPE SO! SHE'S OLDER THAN THE UNIVERSE.」

[A beat. Grinnn.] 「AND YET, SHE WENT TO SCHOOL WITH ME. MAYBE BEING THAT OLD MADE HER SENILE.」

[He is so killing himself later to mock her for this.]

[hairpine]

... Then...

Perhaps your preferences lie with older women!

[screwreality]

「SHE LOOKS MY AGE.」

[Shrug. The kind of amused one that means, yes, he meant it when he said it was weird.]

[hairpine]

[She wants to ask how, but she also assumes this is Ajimu and wants to avoid getting too deep into discussion about her, oops.]

Perhaps she is mentally old!

[screwreality]

[Her guess is right and her self-preservation instinct gets an A+ on the test.]

「THEN I'M ONLY INTO MENTALLY OLD GLORIFIED GODS THAT WANT TO KILL ME AND HAVE PERFECT MEASUREMENTS AND BEAUTIFUL EYES.」

[hairpine]

... That certainly is strange. Perhaps I should ask someone else...

[screwreality]

「I WARNED YOU! NEXT TIME YOU SHOULDN'T ASK ME QUESTIONS WHEN THE ANSWERS JUST GIVE YOU MIGRAINES.」

[hairpine]

I enjoy learning about you! Your answers aren't painful at all.

[screwreality]

「BUT MY ANSWER IS STUPID AND CONFUSING.」

[This is the tone of someone not being self-demeaning. This is the tone of someone who knows his (ex? current? ?????) girlfriend is a freak and he's a freak for loving hating loving hating loving hating something-ing her.]

[hairpine]

It is strange, yes! And -- I could never begin to understand your feelings. Romantic love simply isn't something that I will ever quite comprehend. However, I'm always very happy to listen to what you have to say, because you and I are friends!

My inability to understand your answers is irrelevant.

[screwreality]

「I'LL TRY TO BE LESS CONFUSING IN YOUR FUTURE TO MAKE IT EASIER ON YOU, MICHI-CHAN. I TRY NOT TO BE TOO TERRIBLE TO ALLIES!」

[hairpine]

Thank you, Kumagawa! You're very kind.