Wasted and wounded, it ain't what the moon did

[inblood]

[It's been a few days since the...incident with Kumagawa. Thanks to Sei things turned out better than they could have, but it still isn't something Touya could just recover from. He's spent these last few days in his room, avoiding contact with others as much as possible, not eating or talking, barely even responding to anything. Today, Audi finally kicked him out of the room to  eat something.

Flatmates can find him poking about for food and making a small and simple snack. He still isn't very hungry, but health is important.

Later on, he ventures out to the streets. With the seal back in its proper place, Bouffalant wasn't really conscious enough to follow Touya, so now Touya's out looking for the buffafro that's been meandering through the streets for days. They'll find eachother eventually, they always do.

Finally, after he's found his buffalo, Touya can be found in a park or other relatively peaceful part of London. He's sitting with his eyes closed, back against the large Pokemon, just listening to everything around him. His head's been ringing ever since that event, maybe if he focuses and listens he can find the cause. He's still too jittery for this to look like meditation though.]

Comments

[inblood]

[At that he lets out an unhappy laugh.] Last time I saw him, he was telling me to leave and never return. To just...keep running and never even look back.

[He never really expects anyone to be sorry for anything, by this point.]

[hairpine]

In that case, he will be the one to find you. Even now, I can say with certainty he is wishing for your happiness!

[inblood]

Maybe someday. I won't hold my breath.

[hairpine]

Mr Touya, you are so fearfully pessimistic! It won't do at all to maintain such an outlook!

[inblood]

I guess I'm just...used to getting the short end of the stick. Positive thinking doesn't really...change any outcomes, anyway.

[hairpine]

Yes, I do believe that I see why he chose to befriend you.

[inblood]

...Huh? [Kind of a nonsequitur there.] How do you mean?

[hairpine]

You truly are very...

[Mmmn. Crossing her arms, deep in thought for a moment -]

... like us. Yes.

[inblood]

[...Not sure if that's a good thing, really. But there's only one word that comes to mind for it.]

"Outcasts"?

1/2

[hairpine]

...

[She takes a deep breath, and frowns. It's the sort of breath you take in -- the sort of expression you make -- when you're attempting to hold yourself back. He doesn't mean anything by it. It's okay.

It's such a nasty little word, but it's better than "monster," right?]

[hairpine]

[Right.]

"Us".

[inblood]

[He lays back against his buffalo then, staring up at the sky.]

Then...I guess we are the same. [He can't count the number of times he's been called that particular word. It's why he chose the less unpleasant term. Because they aren't monsters, they're just...the people cast out from society. Right?]

[hairpine]

[No, they're all monsters. Sorry, kid. An actual Minus and a Humanoid Abomination and an aspect of a Great Old One. We seem like we're pretty fond of using the word, so let's just say 'Minus.' Such an ugly, unpleasant little word. Reeks of incapability and impossibility and all of those other negative prefixes, right?

Negative. Let's focus on that one. You can't get 1 from 0 no matter how many times you multiply, but if you multiply a positive number by -1 or -2 or so on, that negativity just grows deeper and deeper. It gets worse, if you will.

Unless you multiply it by another negative. -1 times -1 equals 1.

So they're friends. Even if Kumagawa's too much of a baby to admit it unless you yell at him.]

Do you understand now, Mr Touya? Kumagawa's only wish was to be understood by you, and to understand you. What he saw in you was your similarity to us! You have nothing to fear.

[Which may not be all that comforting coming from her.]

[inblood]

[Friendship math isn't something Touya is really familiar with...or friendship anything for that matter.]

Huh...I don't know how he saw anything. I'd never seen him before then. I guess...some people are just like that?

[It really isn't very comforting, and kind of reminds him of N's little chats. Those were never comfortable, even if they made sense.]

[hairpine]

Although he puts on such a contrary show, he is actually dreadfully intelligent!

[He's definitely dreadful, alright.]

And therefore, Mr Touya -- your reaction is representative of your true self.

[inblood]

He...doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Not...to me, anyway.

[So very dreadful, really.

In response to those words, however, Touya pulls himself into a little ball. No. He hates that part of himself. There's no way it's the real him, he won't let it be. He's shaking again.]

Nnn...n-no. I don't... [He shakes his head violently.] I...that isn't me, it isn't... [It sounds more like he's trying to convince himself.]

[hairpine]

To whom are you speaking?

[It should have been a simple question, and the tone and her phrasing makes it sound that way, but considering the context, it may become much more terrifying, suddenly.]

If you so chose, you could understand him. The necessary knowledge is already available. If you feel that you are so above Us as a result of that wall of yours, Mr Touya, then perhaps he has made a mistake. Ah, to imagine that we lack the adequacy to become even your friend...

["That wall," of course, implies she has a general idea of the seal. She can make out the basic shape with her eyes, and more if she focused, but -- no. That's good enough. Her tone is an attempt at gentle coaxing and a condemnation to a lonely death and a disappointed sigh all at once.

There is something in it, in her presence or tone or the placement of the words or the words themselves, that is immediately reminiscent of Kumagawa, for better or for worse.

You dodged a bullet, but doing so might've put you in the firing range of a gatling gun instead.]

[inblood]

[In it's purest form, the seal is two halves of two different souls circling around eachother like yin and yang, creating a buffering wall between Touya and Bouffalant. Of course, it's weaker now, and growing weaker the more upset he gets.

Because that is upsetting, and terrifying, and Touya cringes just hearing it.]

N-No, it isn't...i-it isn't you, i-it's because it's me! I-I'm not...I'm not that kind of person, I-I can't be. Th-That kind of person c-cant even have friends. That's...that's not who I am... [The kind of person who can just fight and kill with no reason or regrets. That's the kind of person Touya can be, and doesn't want to be, and hates being.]

[hairpine]

What sort of person are you?

[Not a question so much as a demand for an answer.]

[inblood]

I don't know! Just...Just not...that kind. I'm...I-I'm anything but that kind...

[That was a kneejerk response. Give him a moment to calm down a bit and think it over a little more.]

I-I'm...I'm he kind of person who's o-only good at running away.

[hairpine]

Yes. Kumagawa is very much the same.

[Kind of a coward tbh. But all of them were. It's not a bad thing, not inherently.]

[inblood]

H-He didn't seem like it.

[He kept going even after Bouffalant ripped his arm off. That doesn't seem very cowardly.]

[hairpine]

Without divulging many details, I will say that he certainly is!

[Always running away. Always showing off.]

Perhaps you should refrain from running away! That sort of person -- has likely never made any attempt to make friends. How could he be so certain, if he has never tried?

[How do you know you can't make friends, if you won't try?]

There is nothing to be gained through hiding from yourself forever.

[inblood]

I-It can't. I know it c-cant. Beause...because when I'm like that...I can't see friends or enemies. Anything still moving is just a "target". Th-There's no concern for anything but fighting and destruction.

[If there were? His parents might still be alive.]

[hairpine]

I see little reason that you can not be made to see.