Wasted and wounded, it ain't what the moon did

[inblood]

[It's been a few days since the...incident with Kumagawa. Thanks to Sei things turned out better than they could have, but it still isn't something Touya could just recover from. He's spent these last few days in his room, avoiding contact with others as much as possible, not eating or talking, barely even responding to anything. Today, Audi finally kicked him out of the room to  eat something.

Flatmates can find him poking about for food and making a small and simple snack. He still isn't very hungry, but health is important.

Later on, he ventures out to the streets. With the seal back in its proper place, Bouffalant wasn't really conscious enough to follow Touya, so now Touya's out looking for the buffafro that's been meandering through the streets for days. They'll find eachother eventually, they always do.

Finally, after he's found his buffalo, Touya can be found in a park or other relatively peaceful part of London. He's sitting with his eyes closed, back against the large Pokemon, just listening to everything around him. His head's been ringing ever since that event, maybe if he focuses and listens he can find the cause. He's still too jittery for this to look like meditation though.]

Comments

[inblood]

He...doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Not...to me, anyway.

[So very dreadful, really.

In response to those words, however, Touya pulls himself into a little ball. No. He hates that part of himself. There's no way it's the real him, he won't let it be. He's shaking again.]

Nnn...n-no. I don't... [He shakes his head violently.] I...that isn't me, it isn't... [It sounds more like he's trying to convince himself.]

[hairpine]

To whom are you speaking?

[It should have been a simple question, and the tone and her phrasing makes it sound that way, but considering the context, it may become much more terrifying, suddenly.]

If you so chose, you could understand him. The necessary knowledge is already available. If you feel that you are so above Us as a result of that wall of yours, Mr Touya, then perhaps he has made a mistake. Ah, to imagine that we lack the adequacy to become even your friend...

["That wall," of course, implies she has a general idea of the seal. She can make out the basic shape with her eyes, and more if she focused, but -- no. That's good enough. Her tone is an attempt at gentle coaxing and a condemnation to a lonely death and a disappointed sigh all at once.

There is something in it, in her presence or tone or the placement of the words or the words themselves, that is immediately reminiscent of Kumagawa, for better or for worse.

You dodged a bullet, but doing so might've put you in the firing range of a gatling gun instead.]

[inblood]

[In it's purest form, the seal is two halves of two different souls circling around eachother like yin and yang, creating a buffering wall between Touya and Bouffalant. Of course, it's weaker now, and growing weaker the more upset he gets.

Because that is upsetting, and terrifying, and Touya cringes just hearing it.]

N-No, it isn't...i-it isn't you, i-it's because it's me! I-I'm not...I'm not that kind of person, I-I can't be. Th-That kind of person c-cant even have friends. That's...that's not who I am... [The kind of person who can just fight and kill with no reason or regrets. That's the kind of person Touya can be, and doesn't want to be, and hates being.]

[hairpine]

What sort of person are you?

[Not a question so much as a demand for an answer.]

[inblood]

I don't know! Just...Just not...that kind. I'm...I-I'm anything but that kind...

[That was a kneejerk response. Give him a moment to calm down a bit and think it over a little more.]

I-I'm...I'm he kind of person who's o-only good at running away.

[hairpine]

Yes. Kumagawa is very much the same.

[Kind of a coward tbh. But all of them were. It's not a bad thing, not inherently.]

[inblood]

H-He didn't seem like it.

[He kept going even after Bouffalant ripped his arm off. That doesn't seem very cowardly.]

[hairpine]

Without divulging many details, I will say that he certainly is!

[Always running away. Always showing off.]

Perhaps you should refrain from running away! That sort of person -- has likely never made any attempt to make friends. How could he be so certain, if he has never tried?

[How do you know you can't make friends, if you won't try?]

There is nothing to be gained through hiding from yourself forever.

[inblood]

I-It can't. I know it c-cant. Beause...because when I'm like that...I can't see friends or enemies. Anything still moving is just a "target". Th-There's no concern for anything but fighting and destruction.

[If there were? His parents might still be alive.]

[hairpine]

I see little reason that you can not be made to see.

[inblood]

[He shakes his head.] N-No. Once the seal comes off...there's no reasoning with me.

[hairpine]

Forgive me if I have my doubts, Mr Touya.

[Because, between the three, four, whatever amount of friends she actually has now of them, they can do anything. She is confident in this.]

[inblood]

[There's an extremely bitter laugh, then. You've obviously never heard of any kind of Berserker before, then.]

It's, it's true. Without the seal...It's like I'm not even human anymore. B-Because that's how Berserkers work - reason, p-planning, strategy, friends, family, sense, self-preservation, even sanity...all of that is sacrificed for power.

[hairpine]

... And that is who you are?

[inblood]

No! [He's rejecting that side of himself outright. Your logic doesn't suit him.]

That's...I said before, that's...not the kind of person I am...b-but that's what happens without the seal. [He's fiddling with his ring a bit.]

[hairpine]

Then that is the sort of person that you are.

[inblood]

No! I-It isn't, that's not... That isn't true! I-I won't accept that! [Congratulations, you have him crying, shaking, and almost screaming. His arms wrap over his head as he cringes again.]

[hairpine]

[......... But

why are you upset I didn't do anything wrong???]

It is... the truth, isn't it? If that is the sort of person that you became, then that is the sort of person that you truly are. It's really very simple!

[inblood]

[You hit him with the truth a few too many times.]

N-No, no! I'm not, I'm-- That isn't me! I'm not that monster! [...He's been called one a few too many times, and since he orphaned himself? He has to put in a bit of effort to convince himself he isn't.]

[hairpine]

You aren't a monster, Sir! You are just as human as myself or Kumagawa.

[So either wholly or not very, depending on who's asking.]

[inblood]

I-I'm not a monster... I'm not... [He's less hysteric now, but still pretty upset. He's trying to force himself to calm down. Extreme emotions can override the seal, after all.]

[hairpine]

... Yes, that is what I said.

[inblood]

[...Give him a moment.

There we go.]

S-Sorry, I don't...usually have outbursts like that. It's been a bad week.

[hairpine]

Do cheer up, Sir! It mustn't be all bad, hm?

[inblood]

It's been...pretty bad. I've had worse, but... I've spent the whole week listening to a huge rip in my soul. It's...almost as... [Words. What word can he use? uh...] ...difficult as hearing Them, I guess.