I'M NORMALLLLL PLEASE DATE MEEEEE

[screwreality]

[SUCH A WONDERFUL DAY! Full of snowbanks and sunshine and ~ROMANCE~. Victorian gents wander around with their ladies. Victorian hobos holler at prostitutes for discounts. Forgetful idiots swarm flower shops for last-minute attempts at getting flowers before they go home and get murdered by their wives.

IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY, YOU BASTARDS! Spam your fellow taggers! Play hard to get and stop responding to everyone but your personal favorite! Sob and eat ice cream while watching your inbox stay empty! CELEBRATE WITH ALL OF YOUR SPIRIT!]

Comments

[apologizeagain]

[The only sane person in the city sure has riveting conversations.

Somewhere behind and to the right of the Crab Whisperer stands Sae, hands in his pockets and as bundled up as he could manage. And just as whiny as ever.]

What are you guys even talking about now?

[capslockbomber]

[He gets a glance at, a huff of irritation that comes out as a puff of white condensation, and goes back to conversing.

He gets through a couple more clicks before doing a double-take.] Why are you outside?

[leviathaned]

[...this is an awkward conversation and I feel awkward so I'm going to sit here on this nearby roof like a gargoyle.

A gargoyle with fucking ridic. pretty wings.]

[capslockbomber]

[And he promptly gets shoved off it. The only thing on the roof with him was more of those black crabs, but falling down gives him the vision of something tall, abyss black and smoking, but it's more like reality smoking around it than the wraith itself smoking.

Then he hits the ground and Zeph glances away from the idiot snake. Then to the crabs as they all start chirping and clacking once in a cacophony of panic. One raised hand shuts them up.]

Oi, Sei! Eavesdropping is rude as fuck, cut it out!

[Homonyms why.]

[apologizeagain]

[He's about to say something about why he's actually braving the cold, likely some incoherent tale about missing snacks and snakes and how much he still hates Victorian London. Before he can get a word in edgewise, though...

...Well, Sae's not entirely sure what just happened.]

H-hey! I don't even know your weird Crabspeak!

[leviathaned]

So is interrupting, jackass, what was I supposed to do, cue trumpet fanfares and drop out of the sky?

[Dusting himself off and standing and Sae here is a fucking giant. With...peacock-esque wings in gold and blue and indigo and in the deep darks of the feathers you can see galaxies and what kind of ostentatious motherfucker has six wings, seriously.]

[capslockbomber]

This is the second time you've interrupted me and at this rate I'm gonna get really sick of kicking your ass!

[He gives literally no shits about your wings. Or it being a secret. Waving a hand between the two idiots.]

Sae, meet the Antichrist. He's apparently using the name Sei. Make friends.

[One of the crabs goes off into another clicking tangent, and he glances away to respond, already less annoyed than a minute ago and back to looking like a person actually capable of maintaining a multinational conglomerate.

The effect is still lessened by the fact it looks like he's talking to crabs.]

[apologizeagain]

[........Well. That's a weird-looking human.

A weird-looking extremely tall human, why.

Except that, weird-ass wings aside, even he can tell this guy isn't human. Though he's not exactly something he can immediately recognize either.

--Oh, but it is good of Zeph to tell him and not let him guess that he's talking to the Antichrist?

Meeting religious figures out in the freezing cold was so not part of his plan for the day.]

...But why's he using my name? [Missing the Point 101: The fact that it's not even his full name is irrelevant to him. Whining always comes first.]

[leviathaned]

Because no man should ever have to use the name Wakahisa Seiryuu in day to day life. [Irritable.]

How the hell was I suppose to know trying to figure out what I can actually do would interrupt you? As I recall, you'd said you were a cultist and left out the part where you're an Old One, not to mention leaving business hours where one should not be accidentally disturbed.

[He pauses for a moment in the angry hissing and spitting to bow totally politely to Sae.] Ah, nevermind that. I don't have updated my business cards, but it's a pleasure to meet you.

[capslockbomber]

[He's perfectly content rolling his eyes at Sae's whining and about to wave him off, but Sei speaks.

And continues.

The smile falls off immediately and Sei gets the blank expression of someone running over too many memories and too many dimensions all pressed into one. And the verdict means a single eyebrow raises.]

Huh. Surprised you recognized me. Nice eyes. And technically I am a cultist. As is Sae. It just so happens the deities they worship are us. Why should I give anything but half-truths to someone without my brand.

[There's a shrug here, and something switches in the world, or something just blanks out, and the hipster's hair is a lot less ridiculous and the clothes turn into a suit. Fixing his part.] As for your business cards, I'm always working and I doubt this lazy asshole needs a prostitute.

[apologizeagain]

[Wakahisa Seiryuu

...Eh. When you are what he is, you get used to strange names.

As it is though, Sae only stares questioningly at Zeph's reaction, then back to Sei, still as lost as ever. Finally he crosses his arms, shakes his head.] ...Huh? What do you know about the stupid cult anyway? It wasn't even my idea!

[Then... wait for it... wait for it... Nothing makes sense and it's cold and no one understands!!] ...Why're we talking with a prostitute, Zeph?

[leviathaned]

It's polite to give out cards. [Snorts.]

I'm not exclusively a hooker. I'm also an assassin, thief, and elf-keeper, although the last is not a paying gig.

[He flicks Zeph a flat look.] You're not. You don't have to tell me shit, but you could try not acting like I'm interrupting you on purpose in the freaky backstage of the universe if that's so. Can't have it both ways, and I'm getting real tired of being treated like a fucking idiot for not instantly knowing everything, including the fact everyone seems to have known what I was before I did.

[...Except for Will but we're not going to talk about that.]

[capslockbomber]

Who said you had a right to complain?! I'm the one working my ass off for you and you're getting all the rewards!

[And for the effort, the snake gets a punch to the arm. Not hard, just the light smack of an exasperated roommate.

Then the other Sei keeps talking and he freezes with his hand on the first Sae. And, for a brief moment, it feels like every trace of water in the air and sea and him writhes. It's only for that moment - because he takes a sharp inhale and it's gone.

Note to self, don't anger Old Ones, even if they look like Asian college kids.] If you're expecting one of us to just hand you an owner's manual to your life, then don't try it. Your old friend's an asshole. I'm... unorthodox. You should be happy you walked in on me. Anyone else...

As for the other day... [Scratching at his hair a bit and glancing at Sae. Internally debating something again before sighing in defeat.] I get a lot of assassination attempts. A lot. You can't blame me for decking your first and warning you later.

[apologizeagain]

[Light smack or not, Sae yelps anyway, his other hand instantly shooting up halfway to his arm.] H-hey! That doesn't mean you've gotta hit me! Come on, do they even really need my powers all the time?

[He cuts himself off practically half-whine however, instantly noting the change. You don't know a guy for centuries without learning to look out for these things, after all, idiot or not.

But then it's gone, and he's still not any clearer on what's going on between Zeph and the little Antichrist Name Stealer. Not that he has time to dwell on it anyway, not with the next words out of Zeph's mouth.

Assassination attempts. To the careful, or not so careful eye, Sae's entire body goes rigid, a tension in it that wasn't there before, though he tries to ignore it and carry on like before. But, when he speaks, his voice is just the slightest bit lower, not quite as whiny as before.]

...Um. Since when is the Antichrist our problem anyway?

[leviathaned]

...[Sei's bad mood just sort of deflates into a look of "you cannot really be this dumb" shock.]

...Zeph, you do know I can't feel cold, right? I think that probably bothered your friend more than it did me.

[Seriously, bro, what the hell. He also raises a hand, like plucking the string on a harp, and there's of reality...shifting back a step.

Put that water back where you found it sir.]

[capslockbomber]

[Snake Sae immediately gets the glare that means he's being an idiot and thinking completely wrong. It means he gets another bap in the arm for his effort.]

You know wanderers are my divine providence. He's my problem, which makes him yours.

[And the second comment just earns a raised eyebrow again. Genuinely confused this time. Which is hilarious and worrying because how do you not notice that.] Hah? T'hell you talking about?

[apologizeagain]

[That gets another yelp out of him, along with an awkward half-shuffle half a step away from Zeph. Rude!!

Oh, come on, Zeph, are you seriously saddling him with the Antichrist?? He'll forget to feed him. He groans at the declaration hunching further into himself.] I've just got the crazy hypochondriacs.

[As for that second comment... He finally looks at Sei again, mouth turned down in a frown.] He, uh... Kinda think he doesn't notice he does it. Maybe.

[leviathaned]

...You really can't tell? Sweet bleedin' harpies you're worse at this than I am. [Wow, Zeph, just. wow.]

Wow, okay, to back up a few steps, I'm not looking for an instruction manual because they all appear to be step one, destroy the world and I'm not into that shit. Two, you're bleeding power all over the place every time you get miffed, and since I was under the impression you don't want to level London, you might want to look into that.

[capslockbomber]

I still say you ditch your current set and work with the cultists. Pass off boons to the head priests and you got a self-regulating faith machine.

[It's the kind of mindless answer that only really good businessmen seem to manage. Though getting cut off by Sei's rant means the illusion breaks and he winces.] ...Shut up. It's none of your business.

[Crossing his arms right after and it's right back to the eerie apathy that fits way too well on his presence.] Like you said. Back up a few steps. One, there's more instruction manuals than that. You just have bad luck. Two, don't get full of yourself. I appreciate the concern, but get your own existence in line before nitpicking over one you have no comprehension of.

[apologizeagain]

[A heavy sigh. Shit's effort though, Zeph.] Unless they're gonna be healing themselves all the time, they're still gonna need some of my help sometimes.

[Yet he is completely unapologetic about the limitations on said boons. Before he can say anymore though, Zeph and Sei continue their conversation he still can't make heads or tails of beyond the basics. ...Not that he'd pay attention to a full explanation anyway.

So he shrugs, laughs awkwardly.] He's not gonna blow up London. ...I, uh, right?