Introduction to International Law

[theworst]

[Britta had put a shirt on at least, as she knelt in bed beside Jeff, and she drummed his shoulder in a friendly way]

Wow. The verdict is in and I won't be a-quitting that any time soon. Judgment Winger for the win.

[she nodded knowingly and gave him a thumbs up]

Oh hey, speaking of verdicts and judgments, wouldn't it be fun to practice your lawyerly ways? We can practice right now. You can be the defense and I'll be the offense - plaintiff - you know, the lawyer person you're fighting.

Comments

[bedheaded]

[Jeff's face is a picture of non-reaction.] You're really subtle, huh. Britta, I can't tell. Does the gratifying sex half of 'pity sex' cancel out the humiliating pity half, or do you think I should just throw myself in the river? I'm leaning towards the river, but please, feel free to share your opinion. I know nothing will stop you.

[theworst]

I - [she opens her mouth and points at him but can't think of how to continue, so she lowers her hand and closes her mouth. She shifts so she's sitting on her butt now and frowning]

That's not fair at all.

[and then something seems to click and she gets excited again, bouncing as she points at him] Oh, oh, oh! I mean, I don't even know what you're talking about. Pity? What pity? You're way too much of a jackass for me to ever pity. In fact, if you were ever humiliated I would totally gloat and call it your just desserts. So there.

[bedheaded]

If your intention is to comfort me by showing that I am the greatest liar ever when compared to your efforts, it's working. Don't ever play poker.

[theworst]

[She deflates and sighs] Fine. Maybe I don't have a PhD in Lying, BS, and Misdirects like you do, but that's why you're a lawyer and I'm an awesome person.

[she nudges him in the leg with her foot] And it's still unfair what you said. Not to mention self-pity is really unattractive on you. Come on, what would it hurt to practice with me? [a hopeful smile] I'll even wear the wig if it helps?

[bedheaded]

[Jeff winces at that and throws his hand over his face.] Why is roleplaying your solution to every problem? Who are you, Abed?

[theworst]

[she grabs his wrists so she can try to pull his hands off of his face] Why do you object so much to roleplaying? It will be fun! Come on, I can be all, "objection," and you can be all, "double objection side barn whatever lawyer speak."

[bedheaded]

Jesus, enough. [He pushes her hands away.] Now I'm embarrassed for you. You can't object to an objection. That's for the judge to decide. And it's called a sidebar and you do it when there's something you want to discuss with the judge or the opposing counsel without letting the jury hear.

[theworst]

[she screws up her face, and shifts away, shooting him a dirty look] You don't have to be a jerk about it. And if you know so much about all that lawyer crap maybe you should try putting it into practice in the courtroom.

[she throws the pillow behind her back at his face before getting out of bed to find her pants so she can storm out properly. she's scanning the room and not seeing them, so she's on her hands and knees looking under his bed, which is ruining her exit.]

[bedheaded]

I have and I will. [Except he's not sure he can and he deals with that in the healthy way of picking on Britta.] Smooth exit there. Want me to leave instead?

[theworst]

[she stands up, pulling her shirt down so it completely covers her butt. She doesn't think Annie's home, and she'd rather risk being caught than being in here for Jeff.] I would be insulted, except I'm pretty sure after your performance today you completely forgot what 'smooth' even means. I can get my pants later.

[she puts her ear against the door, and satisfied no one is out there, puts her hand on the knob to make a quick run to her room. She stops before turning the knob and leaving]

Oh, and just so you know, when I said 'performance,' I meant the sex and your attempts at British law.

[and with that she will try to make her dramatic exit of opening and slamming his door and then running quickly to her room and finding pants.]

[bedheaded]

You wish!

[And now he doesn't even feel awesome from sex. Everything sucks. Jeff only gets up to lock the door and grab the abandoned half a bottle of Macallan. He thinks more of that is in order. If only his Blackberry had more television than that one episode of The Cosby Show he downloaded for Shirley. Jeff settles down at the side of his bed and starts watching it anyway.]

[theworst]

[about an hour later Jeff gets a text]

I saw that guy you went up against before he went into the courtroom today. I now totally get why they insist on the wigs.

[bedheaded]

[Who is interrupting his rewatching of The Cosby Show--oh. Reluctantly, he pauses and looks at her message.]

[And he might have cracked a bit of a smile.]

His personality matches.

[theworst]

Having a comb over like that would suck the soul and personality out of anyone. If you ever get like that, I'll shave your head for you. Consider it a mercy kill.

[bedheaded]

[And now a frown. Seriously, Britta? No. You are the worst.]

Want to watch the Cosby Show? Only episode I've got.

[theworst]

[a few minutes later there is a knock on Jeff's door, and a Britta in pajamas stands on the other side]

[bedheaded]

[Jeff isn't dressed, but it's boxers, not striped underwear, and let's be honest: how often is Jeff wearing a shirt anyway? So he unlocks the door and lets her in.] It's the episode where Cliff is just trying to read the paper but can't find anywhere in the house. [He has the blackberry in one hand, and he tugs her over to the side of the bed with the other. Why this can only be watched on the floor at the side of the bed, we don't know. Ask Jeff. But he does have pillows there, and an even more depleted bottle of scotch. Which Britta is permitted to drink from.]

[For the record, he feels better now because Britta's efforts to cheer him up were so pathetic that he felt less pathetic.]

[theworst]

[she sits down next to him, leaning close so she can see the phone's screen] Isn't that every episode? [she passes on the scotch for now, focusing on the show itself]

[bedheaded]

Not being raised on The Cosby Show, I'm not entirely sure. I will, however, eventually have every frame of this episode burned into my skull. Now if it was Cop Rock, I could tell you.

[theworst]

[she shakes Jeff's shoulder and points to the screen.] Ooh, oh, he's the one Shirley has the crush on. [she squints leaning closer to the screen to see] Is it just me, or does he look a lot like Andre?

[a long pause, and she gives him a skeptical look] Cop Rock? Seriously?

[bedheaded]

Yeah, I've been wondering about that ever since I downloaded this for her. That is pretty much how I'd have guessed Andre looked when he was younger.

[And he kinda looks back at her.] It had a great name.

[theworst]

More power to her, I say. I mean, if I could find a guy who looked like Thom Yorke, I'd be all over that, too.

So did Good Will Hunting and we saw how that one turned out.

[bedheaded]

Yeah, okay. [He does not find Thom Yorke very hot.] And let's not bring Good Will Hunting into this, though it doesn't have a great name.

[theworst]

Fair enough. Good Will Hunting shelved. And okay, maybe Ed O'Brien instead, but with Thom Yorke's - [she hesitates, and almost says issues or angst, but catches herself] - talents.

[bedheaded]

[He looks sideways at her. And then he lets it pass.] Nicole Kidman. Christina Hendricks.

Molly Ringwald. [Definitely Molly Ringwald.]