Introductory Temporal Transportology

[bedheaded]

[A man is stuck in the streets of London. He has an amazing I-don't-care-about-my-hair-because-that's-how-cool-I-am hairstyle, $300 dollar Italian jeans, and I dare you to ask the thread count on that shirt, the first few buttons of which have been carelessly left unbuttoned. That's right. The hipsters have arrived. Also, he is holding a blackberry.]

[Clothing aside, he is not acting all that hip. He speaks with very broad hand gestures and a moderately manic expression.]

What the hell is this? When did we go Sherlock Holmes? Abed, are you doing a 'themed episode' [he doesn't need physical air quotes: he can do it with his voice] again? Because if you are, I need to know how the hell you pulled this off so it never happens again! [He stares at his Blackberry in incredulity, and here comes the last straw.] And why isn't my phone getting any signal?

[A choked scream of frustration, and he kicks a nearby crate.] This doesn't make any sense!

[Someone stop him before he finds an axe.]

Comments

[theworst]

That probably won't work. I'm kind of crashing with this anarchist guy I met. I've been thinking for a while I should probably find somewhere else to live.

You could be the catalyst I need to get my butt in gear. Jeff Winger, spurring someone to make a positive change in their life. Who knew that could even happen?

[her hand rests on his wrist, still worried he might disappear at some point]

[bedheaded]

Uh, hundreds if not ten people. Don't have a job, huh? [beat] Ugh, the lawyers here wear those stupid wigs, don't they?

[theworst]

I think they're cute, and dignified. Is someone worried hat hair might get in the way of your carefully coiffed bedhead?

[bedheaded]

How's your luck been finding a curling iron, by the way?

[theworst]

[she tugs at her hair with her free hand, making a face]

Shut up. I've made...concessions, which I'm totally fine with. It's not like I need my hair to look just right or something.

[bedheaded]

You look very pretty. Like the kind of girl you'd take home to mom. Settle down with. Raise two-point-five kids? And definitely a dog, no cats.

[theworst]

Hahaha, I'm glad you're having fun. Oh, and there aren't any Sephoras here, so we'll see who's laughing this time tonight when you have to do your facial rituals.

[bedheaded]

I don't need Sephora to keep this face. Come on, Britta. We're going job shopping. I need to find out how easy it is to get into a courtroom again, and you can look for a new apartment along the way. [And as he walks he does avoid yanking his wrist free of Britta's grip.]

[theworst]

I happen to have a job all ready, one which I was actively recruited for in fact.

[popping the collar of her leather jacket]

Where do you think I got this bad boy?

[she walks along with him, still holding onto his wrist]

[bedheaded]

You have a job? All right. What is it? And where did you get that jacket because I can't see myself in these suits.

[theworst]

I got this jacket from my super cool job working at a clothes store.

[bedheaded]

[You know what kind of grin this is? A shit-eating grin.] You're working at a clothes store? That's not as much fun as knowing you worked as a waiter, but it's really close.

[theworst]

It's a boutique to be exact, a specialty boutique, and what's wrong with that anyway?

[bedheaded]

Absolutely nothing, Britta Perry. I'm really proud. Hey, you can get me discount prices!

[theworst]

Whatever, like I care about impressing you. And last time I bent the rules for you, I lost my job. My boss actually likes me this time, unlike the last...well, unlike every other boss I've ever had. I don't want to screw it up.

[a beat] But if you really need it, I could probably figure something out.

[bedheaded]

[A pause]

[looks down at his clothes]

[looks at what everyone else is wearing]

I really need it.

[theworst]

[and her own shit-eating grin]

Yeah, you do.

[bedheaded]

[He's ignoring that because come on.] I mean, what are they all wearing? I get suits, but it's like there's this huge rigid code behind every piece of clothing. Where's the room for creativity? For freedom? For lightly tousled hair and an open collar shirt? It's disturbing. Don't you think saving me from that is worthy of one of your stupid causes?

[theworst]

Well, you are right about one thing. It is a pretty stupid cause.

[bedheaded]

Exactly. And that's why I know you won't forsake me. Thanks, Britta. That's worth a hug. [And he gives her one. A completely %100 sarcastic snarky hug that is completely unrelated to him noticing the hand that will not let go of his wrist. And obviously he hasn't knocked her hand away because (1) Britta is hot %25 of the time and (2) he doesn't care enough. It isn't as if he thinks this is the best way to let her be comforted by not being alone without drawing any attention to her need for comfort.]

[theworst]

[she returns a completely sarcastic hug, giving him a pat on the back and everything, because she's cool and hip and doesn't need comfort or whatever, she's totally independent and strong and fine and oh god, she missed him. She holds on a little longer than she should, before ending the hug, but she still holds onto his wrist even when she stops hugging]

I do have a habit of taking in strays, so what the hell. It's better than seeing you go into a hipster douche funk.

[bedheaded]

I'm sorry, what was that? I was too distracted by your special modification of Victorian clothes to make you look cooler. Why aren't you wearing a tophat, Britta? Afraid it will ruin your hair more?

[theworst]

You think I'm afraid to wear a hat? I'll show you who's afraid to wear a hat and then I will watch you eat your stupid dumb words.

[she looks around and then spots a guy that she figures she can take or flirt with if he objects. She goes over and standing on tip toes grabs the hat off of a stranger's head. She puts it on her own head, and smiles smugly at Jeff]

There, happy? And I bet it looks damn cute, too, not that I care at -

[she stops as she feels the stranger grab his hat off of her head and walk away in an indignant huff, muttering about uncouth foreigners]

[Britta shrugs at Jeff like it's not big thing]

I don't care.

[bedheaded]

[Oh no, guess who got his shit-eating grin back.] I'm really glad you don't care. That will make it easier for me to get you a hat as thanks for rescuing me in my time of need.

[theworst]

[reclaiming his wrist with one hand while he gets an angry pointy hand with the other]

You are not getting me a hat!

[sourface laughs uneasily]

I mean, I don't care, whatever. Get me a hat. [smug challenging smile] I'll wear it every day.