Introductory Temporal Transportology

[bedheaded]

[A man is stuck in the streets of London. He has an amazing I-don't-care-about-my-hair-because-that's-how-cool-I-am hairstyle, $300 dollar Italian jeans, and I dare you to ask the thread count on that shirt, the first few buttons of which have been carelessly left unbuttoned. That's right. The hipsters have arrived. Also, he is holding a blackberry.]

[Clothing aside, he is not acting all that hip. He speaks with very broad hand gestures and a moderately manic expression.]

What the hell is this? When did we go Sherlock Holmes? Abed, are you doing a 'themed episode' [he doesn't need physical air quotes: he can do it with his voice] again? Because if you are, I need to know how the hell you pulled this off so it never happens again! [He stares at his Blackberry in incredulity, and here comes the last straw.] And why isn't my phone getting any signal?

[A choked scream of frustration, and he kicks a nearby crate.] This doesn't make any sense!

[Someone stop him before he finds an axe.]

Comments

[llywelin]

[Blinking at the phone being pointed at her. Oh it's Battler. Well at least he is apologising for any rudeness.]

No, being upset in this sort of situation is perfectly normal. My name is Ushiromiya Lion. Ah, just Lion is fine. Explaining this...

[Well, he was using meta sounding things...] ...I suppose you could say we're somehow trapped in a parallel universe. Which does sound insane, I admit. But that's the simplest way of putting it.

[theworst]

Who says I haven't? Like any law could stop me from expressing myself however I please.

[she makes a sourface]

A month, maybe longer, I don't know.

[bedheaded]

I am calm! [He looks like he wants to throw something to empathize this, but the only thing he is holding his phone.]

[And he is never ever throwing his phone.]

[bedheaded]

[He starts. Laughing.] Great. Great. Great great great. [She doesn't know it, but that was delivered as a parody of a very specific 'coolcoolcool'] I've fallen onto the set of Inspector Spacetime. Wait till Troy and Abed hear about this! So where are the Blogons? Is Horsebot3000 here? [Slight toning down because Horsebot3000 is dead and it made Jeff cry but BACK TO MANIC AGAIN] And are we on Earth Prime or Earth-2, because we're still owed a peaceful UN resolution.

[bedheaded]

[Oh sourface, so sour.] A month? I saw you a day ago.

No, wait. It's sci-fi bullshit, isn't it? Wow. This is ridiculous. We should not be the ones travelling in time.

[intellectualrapist]

[One hand on her hip, lips pursed for a moment.] Oh, you're smarter than you look. It would have been boring otherwise. It's working via magic. Someone else missed the internet and designed these. You're free to freak out over it if you want but I'll only be able to explain when you're done.

[bedheaded]

I am exactly as smart as I look, which is to say I look like a genius. A cool genius. [He does turn off his phone, because he is now wasting batteries and he doesn't have a power adapter. Then he looks at Erika.] Unless this is a drug trip, or a dream, or the consequence of monkey gas in the vents again, or somehow the realization of everything the two giant dorks in my study group ever wanted, I have travelled back in time. I am so far beyond freaking out, I should be running an asylum. Explain this to me.

[llywelin]

[Well, a normal person would react badly. Lion vaguely wonders what all of that means because it's confusing. References?? Ah well.]

I don't think you're being serious but I'll answer to the best of my abilities. We are on Earth, yes, in the year 1882 and this is London as you correctly inferred. Ah, the difference is that horrible creatures run this world. [Thinking.] If you had to brand it something, it would be horror rather than science fiction. But it isn't a TV program.

[theworst]

I know. I wish Abed were here. He'd be way better at this than either of us.

[bedheaded]

He and Troy would probably enjoy it. [Glances at her.] So you've been alone? [It isn't mocking or anything. It's just. You know. A question. With absolutely no implications. And definitely none of concern. And very definitely no sense of empathy at the horrific thought of being here, alone, for a month.]

[bedheaded]

I'm back in time on an Earth ruled by monsters. This isn't science fiction. This is crap.

[theworst]

I mean, I've met people. It's not that bad, and it's a new experience.

[she's trying to shrug it off, and feeling a bit defensive and pathetic and really glad to have a familiar face]

[bedheaded]

It's not a Greendale experience. We don't have the budget. [Jeff sort of sighs.} And how long did it take before you adopted a cat?

[intellectualrapist]

[Slow eyebrow raise but sure. He's right about him and an asylum, says Erika of all people.]

I'm a Detective, not a physicist. Those two dorks probably could explain the processes. What I know is that apparently this is a common phenomenon here that people from other times just wash up, so to speak. Occasionally cult groups bring them in. You're more likely an unfortunate former than the oh-so-lucky latter.

[bedheaded]

[pause]

Well, thank God everyone speaks English. [And suddenly, Winger is back on his feet. He actually smiles at her.] Hi, I'm sorry. Being flung back through time into an alternate universe had an effect on me. I'm just not used to that sort of thing. But thanks for your help. I'm Jeff Winger. Thanks for letting me look at your cell phone.

[theworst]

I didn't adopt Thomas, Thomas adopted me. Well, not so much adopted as picked me, since he's not really in any shape to take care of himself let alone anyone else.

[bedheaded]

Let me guess. Blind in one eye again?

[digitalemperor]

...R-right.

[Whatever you say. Welp, on to the important things. Less important than lack of internet, but... Still important.]

You just got here, right?

[theworst]

It's beginning to be a thing, isn't it? But you know what they say about when you lose one sense the others are heightened. They're probably draw to my nurturing personality.

[bedheaded]

If you tell me where 'here' is supposed to be, I can answer that question for you.

[bedheaded]

Yeah, sure. That's it. Look, where are you living? Because I don't have anywhere to stay right now, and I also don't have a car.

[llywelin]

[A beat.] ...Yes, it is. I think I would say other things if I was one to swear, but... [Well, it's better than being dead.] If you can call it a bright side, said monsters don't usually walk the streets.

[bedheaded]

That's good, because I'm not interesting in [oh god s/he's young change your words] streets that are patrolled by monsters! Because that's terrible.

[intellectualrapist]

[Wow, he bounces back fast.]

Not bad. Furudo Erika. Erika Furudo in Western order. Time travel is a new one to me but I don't mind. It's a good enough era for mystery novels.

[theworst]

That probably won't work. I'm kind of crashing with this anarchist guy I met. I've been thinking for a while I should probably find somewhere else to live.

You could be the catalyst I need to get my butt in gear. Jeff Winger, spurring someone to make a positive change in their life. Who knew that could even happen?

[her hand rests on his wrist, still worried he might disappear at some point]