Introductory Temporal Transportology

[bedheaded]

[A man is stuck in the streets of London. He has an amazing I-don't-care-about-my-hair-because-that's-how-cool-I-am hairstyle, $300 dollar Italian jeans, and I dare you to ask the thread count on that shirt, the first few buttons of which have been carelessly left unbuttoned. That's right. The hipsters have arrived. Also, he is holding a blackberry.]

[Clothing aside, he is not acting all that hip. He speaks with very broad hand gestures and a moderately manic expression.]

What the hell is this? When did we go Sherlock Holmes? Abed, are you doing a 'themed episode' [he doesn't need physical air quotes: he can do it with his voice] again? Because if you are, I need to know how the hell you pulled this off so it never happens again! [He stares at his Blackberry in incredulity, and here comes the last straw.] And why isn't my phone getting any signal?

[A choked scream of frustration, and he kicks a nearby crate.] This doesn't make any sense!

[Someone stop him before he finds an axe.]

Comments

[intellectualrapist]

[Wow, he bounces back fast.]

Not bad. Furudo Erika. Erika Furudo in Western order. Time travel is a new one to me but I don't mind. It's a good enough era for mystery novels.

[bedheaded]

Well, I'm glad they have those covered. Less importantly, if people keep showing up from nowhere here, how do they all survive?

[intellectualrapist]

I don't know how other people do but I got a boyfriend. That could be a viable solution.

[bedheaded]

Tempting, but these aren't the right jeans for seducing other men.

[intellectualrapist]

[Ah, he's fun. She likes him. Erika shuts one eye and shifts her hips with her skirt.] Girls are lucky with skirts like that. But if you want a serious answer, there are charities that specialise in this.

[bedheaded]

[He is not looking, because Annie Erika's a bit young, so he'll try not to sexualize her.] Really? Yippee. I love relying on charity. Do they have anything to do with these cults I've been hearing so much about?

[intellectualrapist]

[It is best not to sexualise her for sanity reasons, too.] Many of them do, in fact. Though some are just bored wealthy people trying to look good.

[bedheaded]

Bored wealthy people trying to look good I can do. It was practically my job.

[intellectualrapist]

I had it easy since anything Japanese is 'in.' But if you're really as clever as you look, I'm sure you can impress them, too.

[bedheaded]

[a pause] You think they've let go of the whole American Revolution thing?

[intellectualrapist]

Willard gets some teasing and snobby comments but otherwise they don't seem to mind. Funny that event still happened even if it was over different religions. Oh well.

[bedheaded]

Sorry, it was over what? I thought it was about tea and taxes. [He spent most of his weekends in high school drunk. Be grateful he remembers this much.] Are you telling me it's different here?

[intellectualrapist]

[Erika pauses, then giggles.] Well, there were quite a lot of determining factors from what I recall. Freedom was a general theme but the taxes were the final straw? Ah, well. It's the same here but you add in more cults.

[bedheaded]

Yeah, about that, I have just one question. How can they be cults if they're mainstream? Isn't pretty much every religion a cult under those terms? Or do they proudly identify with this title?

[intellectualrapist]

Only people like us really call them that. If you say 'cults' to someone around here, they'll generally think of Christianity and religions we're familiar with.

[bedheaded]

[Well that'd be a fun one to pass back to Shirley.] I'll keep an eye out on that.

One more thing: who gave your phone Internet connection?

[intellectualrapist]

[A pause, then Erika grins and curtsies.]

My Master, Mikado-sama. He is quite an imposing figure, so you can't miss him, but he would be willing to lend you one.

[bedheaded]

[Mikado-what? Is that a word he should know?] I'll look for him. Thanks.