gocirclegogo | Dance magic dance

[A small nod is her only reply. As few words as possible to say what's necessary, right? She looks down at her lap.]

[Definitely. She's definitely Kururi...]

[Something really does feel off. If this is Kururi, it could be her nature demeanour but she might not be okay, either. She doesn't seem all okay but...then again, Mairu isn't all there, either. If it's Mairu, she is definitely not okay. And if it's Kururi, where'd Mairu go? Did something happen?

Still, Ange leans against the wall near her, not wanting to scare her or bombard her with questions.]

...So, Kururi-chan, how are you feeling...? Is Mairu-chan all right?

Fine (I'm fine).

[The second question takes longer to answer, and her fingers curl around the braids in her hands. She still doesn't look up, meek and quiet.]

Away (she's not here).

[Which is not the most helpful answer.]

[Really not helpful but...Kururi would probably be worried if Mairu was hurt. Still, isn't it pretty weird that Mairu wouldn't be here? Especially after all that time, when they sounded nigh inseparable.

Playing ping pong with the two most likely possibilities is giving her a headache.

Ange sits on the bed, careful still not to startle her.]

It's all right. I'm, well, I'm a friend of Mairu-chan's. She'll be home later, right...?

Nice (you are nice/).

[Kururi/Mairu nods, still looking down.]

Back (she'll be back) later...

[Ange rubs at her shoulder, frowning. So what should she do? Wait for Mairu to come home? And if Mairu doesn't, then what? And if this is Mairu, even then, what's she supposed to do?

Or does it really matter? How many times has she heard it now? In all the games she's seen, even with herself, wasn't this...part of dealing with pain? She never created another universe but Maria, Rosa, Beatrice, Jessica, plenty of them made another self to fill in the gaps.

So, maybe, if it's Kururi or not, it would still...be Kururi. But...if Mairu does come home, it would be a relief, because Mairu could never be Kururi forever and be all right.

Ugh what is she even thinking. This place makes her jump to conclusions.]

...I'm pretty bad with people but... It's all right, Kururi-chan. [She reaches out to hug her.]

[Mairu leans into the hug, ducking her head so that her face is buried into Ange's shoulder. After a moment she begins to shake, arms reaching up to clutch Ange's shoulders as she starts to cry, breathing breaking in uneven gasps. It's also now apparent that those impressive breasts aren't real.]

Pain (it hurts so much)! Can't (I can't stand it)...

[Her voice switches, more like Mairu, though with the crying the voice is weird either way, her inflection is at least Mairu's.]

Why, why?! Ange-nee, it's impossible, really impossible! You can't make one person split up into two forever, it doesn't work, it hurts.

[Switch again.] Unfulfilled (feels so empty).

[That answers that question. Next question: what the hell does she do to make it better? A lot more difficult.

Ange wraps her arms around her tighter and holds her close. She really underestimated...just how close these two are. Talking like this, it sounds eerily familiar, though. 'Like furniture' is what they would say. But not just them. All that stuff she's learned...]

...Yeah, I know. [Not...exactly like that. She's never split herself like that. She had magic and her memories of Maria. But Maria did.] You want her back to complete the world you shared. ...Even if you're one person, you're two bodies. You need them together to support yourself, right?

[At least she figures...Mairu needs to talk about this. So maybe if someone can understand somehow, it'll help. She hopes.]

[For a moment all Mairu can do is nod mutely into Ange's shoulder, clutching her. She's really crying hard. She feels utterly lost. She's honestly, at the moment, not even sure who she is. Does she even exist? Is she Mairu or Kururi or maybe she just imagined herself. She can't tell. Ange feels real though, which is a bit comforting, but over all she's terrified.]

[If Mairu and Kururi are the same, who is the person Mairu without Kururi? She keeps asking herself that. She has Kida and Ange, and they really help. And maybe she won't admit it but she misses seeing Izaya as much too. But despite having friends now, she's still lonely. Her world has been her sister for so long.]

Correct (that's right)... Confusing (I'm so confused)...

[Her voice cracks on words, catching between sobs as she clings to Ange hard.]

Am I real?

[Noticing that, Ange shifts and pulls Mairu closer, to keep her touching as much as possible. Weird to think maybe watching her family struggle through all those games might have been helpful in other ways, too. But these kids probably had that Izaya toying with them from the start. Even if he worried or maybe even felt something about it, it wouldn't change anything. The same way a lot of her struggles wouldn't change anything.

So she keeps a tight grip on her.] You're real. You're Mairu. You're part of your sister, but...you're definitely real. You're pretty outgoing and bright and confident. You've got a lot of energy and you're honest. Definitely not a shy type or someone who hides what you're feeling. You're nice, though.

[She rests her head on Mairu's.]

...All of that is real. Kururi-chan isn't here but she's real in your heart.

[Ange strokes her hair gently.] Remember, all right? Remember everything about Kururi-chan. She's in your heart right now, you know. What is she like? Keep her there and she'll always be there. Right now...she's probably talking to you in your heart, just like you're calling out to her. I'm sure she can hear you.

[Because the witch of resurrection knows you can't really bring someone back. But you can bring back those memories. The only real spell she knows is to hold those memories and talk to them.]

[Mairu makes a noise. It's the kind of heartbroken keening noise someone makes when they're too sad or grief-stricken to form words anymore. She wails it into Ange's shoulder, clutching the other girl like a lifeline, curled as much on herself as she can be, in Ange's arms.]

[At least Amge answers some of the questions Mairu had, before she can ask them.]

[She holds on, crying to hard to answer for a while. When she does speak again, her words are peppered with hiccuping sobs. She's so confused right now, though Ange's presence and words are also comforting. Maybe this is what a big sister is like.]

Magic (is that a spell)?

Ange-nee, is that all true?

Definitely. It's all true. [Because it is and she's not really sure what it's like but she knows when she lost someone she'd built a heart around, she was shattered for...well, she's still broken now. But it's better than thinking the world isn't worth living in.

Ange is pretty sure her own eyes are wet. She's always been the little sister but it doesn't mean she doesn't try to take care of her family.]

...It's magic, yeah. I can't summon her here. But I can help you make her stronger in your heart. Just close your eyes and remember her. Remember what you're like together. But...remember the halves that you make, too. You can't lose those things that make you 'Mairu' anymore than she can lose the ones that make her 'Kururi.' So...remember what forms you have. What you're like, both of you. The parts and the whole. Even if this hurts...there wouldn't be a whole if you weren't 'Mairu.'

[It's not a spell anymore than giving Maria a new Sakutarou is a spell. But she hopes it resurrects just the same. Just like her hairties resurrect Battler in her mind every time she thinks about them.

Real magic is picking up the happiness scattered among the painful feelings.]

[Mairu keens again, her hold on Ange tightening as Ange speaks. All the words are comforting and also painful. She feels really lost, and like she's cracked and if she lets go or Ange lets go she'll definitely shatter.]

[It feels good to cry though, because if she doesn't let it out she'll break too. Nothing's really fixed, but Ange says things that make sense. Everything's confusing.]

Ange-nee r-really is a witch. A good witch.

[She doesn't know how to articulate everything she feels is wrong. She's used to saying what's on her mind, but it's so jumbled even she can't begin to voice it.]

I have Ange-nee and Kida-senpai and I'm still really lonely. Kuru-nee and I never needed friends because we had each other, but I have friends now and not Kuru-nee.

[She wants both. Is it wrong to want both? It's not like there weren't people in her life, like Aoba and Shizuo and Eijirou and Akane-chan, but friends like Ange and Kida...? Not the same.]

[Hell, she even wants her brother right now. She must be really losing it.]

Do you have a spell to make it stop hurting, Ange-nee?

[The answer is probably no, but she feels five years old and pitiful.]

[If it's any comfort, Ange isn't letting go of her at all. Her embrace is pretty strong and sure for someone who doesn't exactly do this a lot. But then she's never had anyone really come to her for comfort, either.]

...I don't know a spell like that. Maria onee-chan...made up a lot of different spells, though, to do the same thing. [Ange keeps the hold tight and slides her fingers up into Mairu's hair, giving soothing strokes.] Being lonely...is probably the hardest one to break.

[She tries to think hard what Maria would say now. Even if she summons the Maria in her heart, without Maria's diary, it feels incomplete and wrong.]

...Why don't you keep a diary? You can write it out to Kururi, that other part of you. When you write down words, those become magic, too. I'll sign the diary as a witness. Then your feelings will definitely be together in everything you write. She'd be happy, wouldn't she? That she didn't miss anything, because you used that to keep it all for her.

[Slowly, maybe because she's crying herself out for now, or Ange's words and comfort are soothing her at last, or a combination, Mairu nods. Her grip doesn't loosen at all, but she is quieter.]

A diary...?

[Keeping a journal, writing to Kururi... That sounds... She's not sure. It sounds a little frightening, because writing to Kururi is acknowledging she'd really not here, but then again, it's a connection to her sister as well, and that way she could give it to Kururi and her sister would be able to catch up on everything...]

Yeah... I want to. I want to do that.

[She keeps her close anyway, still comforting her as best as she can. Whether she's just cried out or feels better, just crying probably did actually help.]

I have a spare one in my dresser, if you want to use it. When she gets to read through it, it'll be like you lived through everything together. So...keep a good record for her, all right? There won't be a gap between you then.

[Mairu nods again, face still buried in Ange's shoulder.]

I'll write down everything. Than Kuru-nee will know everything.

[Because she'll definitely see her sister again. Soon! Mairu sniffles, squeezing Ange suddenly, because comforting.]

Thank you Ange-nee.

[Ange would get it right now but she's not moving until Mairu is feeling up to it. So she keeps holding her and smiles a little.]

...It's what a sister should do. [Maybe the diary won't help forever but it's something for now, so she's glad. And she doesn't mind being Ange-nee if it helps. Especially when... Mairu and Kida feel like some sort of family to her.]

You're a good sister.

[She's still crying, but she's a little more coherent. At least on the surface. None of her issues are really resolved, but Ange said she's Mairu so... She is Mairu, right?]

So are you.

[She doubts it would be so easy to fix this. But it's all she can do for now. To help a little more, though, Ange puts a hand in Mairu's hair and focuses. It isn't like she has to say those words every time and Mairu can't see it as her hair repairs itself to how it was. But it's something to remind her that she's Mairu.]

...There. That's how it was, right?

[Mairu lifts her hands to touch her hair, surprised enough that she stops sobbing, though the tears still fall.]

Ange-nee... Th-that's really amazing!

[Ange smiles a little. Even if it doesn't stop her tears, it's a little distraction.]

I thought it might make you feel a little better. I know, uhm...for me, having my hair like this is important to who I am.

Dance magic dance

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