Introductory Temporal Transportology

[bedheaded]

[A man is stuck in the streets of London. He has an amazing I-don't-care-about-my-hair-because-that's-how-cool-I-am hairstyle, $300 dollar Italian jeans, and I dare you to ask the thread count on that shirt, the first few buttons of which have been carelessly left unbuttoned. That's right. The hipsters have arrived. Also, he is holding a blackberry.]

[Clothing aside, he is not acting all that hip. He speaks with very broad hand gestures and a moderately manic expression.]

What the hell is this? When did we go Sherlock Holmes? Abed, are you doing a 'themed episode' [he doesn't need physical air quotes: he can do it with his voice] again? Because if you are, I need to know how the hell you pulled this off so it never happens again! [He stares at his Blackberry in incredulity, and here comes the last straw.] And why isn't my phone getting any signal?

[A choked scream of frustration, and he kicks a nearby crate.] This doesn't make any sense!

[Someone stop him before he finds an axe.]

Comments

[bedheaded]

[A point. With the hand holding the blackberry.] Hi. I'm not usually this rude [blatant lies] but I've just been thrown so far out of my element that I'm starting to wonder if maybe, just maybe, I'm back into it again. So who are you and how do you explain this?

[llywelin]

[Blinking at the phone being pointed at her. Oh it's Battler. Well at least he is apologising for any rudeness.]

No, being upset in this sort of situation is perfectly normal. My name is Ushiromiya Lion. Ah, just Lion is fine. Explaining this...

[Well, he was using meta sounding things...] ...I suppose you could say we're somehow trapped in a parallel universe. Which does sound insane, I admit. But that's the simplest way of putting it.

[bedheaded]

[He starts. Laughing.] Great. Great. Great great great. [She doesn't know it, but that was delivered as a parody of a very specific 'coolcoolcool'] I've fallen onto the set of Inspector Spacetime. Wait till Troy and Abed hear about this! So where are the Blogons? Is Horsebot3000 here? [Slight toning down because Horsebot3000 is dead and it made Jeff cry but BACK TO MANIC AGAIN] And are we on Earth Prime or Earth-2, because we're still owed a peaceful UN resolution.

[llywelin]

[Well, a normal person would react badly. Lion vaguely wonders what all of that means because it's confusing. References?? Ah well.]

I don't think you're being serious but I'll answer to the best of my abilities. We are on Earth, yes, in the year 1882 and this is London as you correctly inferred. Ah, the difference is that horrible creatures run this world. [Thinking.] If you had to brand it something, it would be horror rather than science fiction. But it isn't a TV program.

[bedheaded]

I'm back in time on an Earth ruled by monsters. This isn't science fiction. This is crap.

[llywelin]

[A beat.] ...Yes, it is. I think I would say other things if I was one to swear, but... [Well, it's better than being dead.] If you can call it a bright side, said monsters don't usually walk the streets.

[bedheaded]

That's good, because I'm not interesting in [oh god s/he's young change your words] streets that are patrolled by monsters! Because that's terrible.

[llywelin]

[Hmmm, must help. Maybe tea...] Ah, I was on my way to work. Do you want to come with me? I know that it's an odd offer but it might be nice to sit down somewhere that isn't the street. For one, your clothes would get filthy in an instant.

[bedheaded]

[He glances down at his clothes and kind of half laughs.] Yeah, they would, wouldn't they? This place is kinda ridiculous. [Wait no don't put your clothes above your life no he will can't stop him] I assume this place is a clothes-protecting zone?

[llywelin]

It's a small clothing store I own. Ah, of a sort. [Smiling and waving her hand for him to come with her.] What is your name?

[bedheaded]

Sorry, I really am being rude. I'm Jeff Winger. Hi again. [He holds out his hand.]

[llywelin]

[She shakes his hand.] Hello. It's nice to meet you. And even I understand lacking manners in this situation. Where are you from. America?

[bedheaded]

Yup. Denver, Colorado. And you?

[llywelin]

Japan. The Izu Island chain if you've heard of it but I don't think it's well known outside of Japan. I think I've heard of Colorado... My mother likes snow.

[bedheaded]

Sorry, my Japanese geography is a bit rusty. I like snow too, when we get it. I can't remember the last time we did.

[llywelin]

We're close enough to Tokyo to count under their police department, if it helps. But is that so...? [Lion frowns slightly at that.] That's a shame. Mother would be so sad to hear it.

[Pausing to unlock the door of the shop and pushes it open.]

The front is really just for taking orders. Design samples are stored in the back and upstairs is a living area in case anyone needs to stay overnight. Would you like anything to drink? I'll answer anything that I can.

[bedheaded]

Can I ask... are you in the habit of taking in lost interdimensionally travelling strangers? And where did you get your clothing samples? Ooh. [He has wandered over to one.] It's an organic soy-cotton blend. This is amazing.

[llywelin]

[Opening all the shades so it's brighter.] I'm in the habit of helping people who seem distressed, especially people lost here.

[Glancing back with an amused smile.]

All the samples are custom ordered. I try to reproduce the clothing as exactly as possible. Since so many wind up here, there's a solid niche for clothing that reminds people of home.

[bedheaded]

[Turn around. Blink.] You're in charge of this place? [You are Annie's age.]

[llywelin]

[Glancing back. Age or gender is the only real question but Lion assumes age. So far people from ahead of her seem to care less about the latter.] I am, yes. It's a small business and it isn't especially taxing. Most of it is managing orders and gathering new design options.

[bedheaded]

It's really impressive. You had no problem getting a business license here?

[llywelin]

Oh, thank you. I wouldn't say it was no trouble at all but it wasn't as difficult as I would have thought. It helped that I already had several parties interested in working with me. For any venture, having investors lined up will make you look worth investing in to others, regardless of the reality.

But I think I'm doing well enough.

[bedheaded]

I'm not usually this forward with business, but I have no job and nothing to sell but my wit and charm, but do you know where I could go to find out how to get some kind of job here? Because the Dickensian factory job thing is really unappealing to me. [And to his jeans.]

[llywelin]

[Folding her arms in thought.] It depends on what you're good at. I have a few good connections in some areas. What did you used to do?

[bedheaded]

[He smiles at her. It's a lawyer's smile.] I was an attorney. Defence. But I'm not certified here, and that makes it a bit challenging to fall back on.