Introductory Temporal Transportology

[bedheaded]

[A man is stuck in the streets of London. He has an amazing I-don't-care-about-my-hair-because-that's-how-cool-I-am hairstyle, $300 dollar Italian jeans, and I dare you to ask the thread count on that shirt, the first few buttons of which have been carelessly left unbuttoned. That's right. The hipsters have arrived. Also, he is holding a blackberry.]

[Clothing aside, he is not acting all that hip. He speaks with very broad hand gestures and a moderately manic expression.]

What the hell is this? When did we go Sherlock Holmes? Abed, are you doing a 'themed episode' [he doesn't need physical air quotes: he can do it with his voice] again? Because if you are, I need to know how the hell you pulled this off so it never happens again! [He stares at his Blackberry in incredulity, and here comes the last straw.] And why isn't my phone getting any signal?

[A choked scream of frustration, and he kicks a nearby crate.] This doesn't make any sense!

[Someone stop him before he finds an axe.]

Comments

[intellectualrapist]

[Erika pauses, then giggles.] Well, there were quite a lot of determining factors from what I recall. Freedom was a general theme but the taxes were the final straw? Ah, well. It's the same here but you add in more cults.

[theworst]

[she stares and she actually can't think of a rebuttal] Screw you, Winger!

[and she storms past him into the bedroom and slams the door shut behind her before flopping down on her bed]

[bedheaded]

[Chalk up another point to the charming Jeff Winger.] I'm assuming you were born and raised in Japan, so it must be a bit rough. But your English is really great. It probably sounds better to them than mine does. [sob he knows his accent will be zero currency here]

[llywelin]

[Jeff really is good at this. Lion laughs softly, not exactly embarrassed but a little flattered.] Oh, well, thank you. We start learning it rather early and my grandfather encouraged me to practice. But I doubt I could sound better than a native speaker. There are a lot of little things I miss.

[bedheaded]

Yeah, about that, I have just one question. How can they be cults if they're mainstream? Isn't pretty much every religion a cult under those terms? Or do they proudly identify with this title?

[bedheaded]

Trust me. From what I can hear, you are better at English than 99% of the kids at my old college campus. [Only just remembered to set that in the past tense. Good effort, Jeff.] But hey, if you ever want some casual practice, I could help out. No audience to worry about, and you could mock my Japanese if it makes you feel better.

[llywelin]

[Curious, head tilting a little.] I'd like that. Do you know any Japanese? Well, it probably wouldn't be useful for you to learn, though.

[bedheaded]

[He grins.] Nope. You'd have a lot of material to work with.

[llywelin]

[She laughs.] I think I'll let you focus on your legal studies rather than languages. I imagine that will be more than enough to keep you busy.

[bedheaded]

[He laughs a little.] Yeah. Not looking forward to relearning all of that.

[intellectualrapist]

Only people like us really call them that. If you say 'cults' to someone around here, they'll generally think of Christianity and religions we're familiar with.

[bedheaded]

[Well that'd be a fun one to pass back to Shirley.] I'll keep an eye out on that.

One more thing: who gave your phone Internet connection?

[intellectualrapist]

[A pause, then Erika grins and curtsies.]

My Master, Mikado-sama. He is quite an imposing figure, so you can't miss him, but he would be willing to lend you one.

[bedheaded]

[Mikado-what? Is that a word he should know?] I'll look for him. Thanks.

[llywelin]

The little I looked into was sometimes...strange but manageable enough for my scope. Well, this is before businesses had quite so many liabilities attached to them. I only needed to know what not to do, really.

[bedheaded]

[it's okay, he wasn't hoping to do business law.] You should still be careful. It would be horrible for you to become a precedent.

[llywelin]

[Laughing.] I can't imagine what I could do so wrong to set a precedent.