gocirclegogo | "this is a sham," cries free! cast

"this is a sham," cries free! cast

[As usual, in the wake of the old turf war-church explosion, life continues. The relic that caused the problem is likely lost forever or otherwise nowhere to be found, but on the bright side, it's definitely cold enough this week to cool its molten remains, and it might still have some juice left. The interesting thing about modern London and modern Londoners is that they produce so much heat, snow usually doesn't accumulate. And then you have situations like the Thames freezing in the 60s, or the snow earlier this year. Three inches is enough to shut down the trains.

Today is a day not unlike any of those. There's a light blanket descending upon the city today. In its frozen form, it feels a lot less inherently disgusting than the water in the Thames, and smells a lot less -- not at all, even. Almost like it's perfectly normal water, but we wouldn't recommend trying to catch it in your mouth. Or ears. Or eyes. It's maybe better if you try not to absorb too much of it in general. Don't say we didn't warn you.

After all, freezing water removes some impurities. Not all. And there's no such thing as a rain of boiling water, maybe fortunately. If you wouldn't drink water out of the river or a local lake, why would you eat the snow?

Anyway. Trains can't run in weather like this. The city is in the panic you'd expect, but that doesn't mean you have to be -- if you've got somewhere to go, I'd recommend hoofing it immediately. If you were on the run from some religion bent on sacrificing you to resurrect their god, or a scientist trying to fill you with brain parasites? Walk faster.

But, well. That's up to you. Some local cults are out and about today offering safety from the weather and faster transportation (but it's probably in your best interests not to ask the details if you're not a member), for various prices. What do you do?]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[And because she stops, so does everything else. Including the voices, including that feeling.

Her expression freezes over entirely, in that way he's probably only seen a couple of times; eyes wide, mouth taut in its usual blank smile. A look of pointed realization, typically that she done fucked up. It's not really distinguishable from that type of face by normal people. A normal person watching this scene would probably assume (understandably, all things considered) that she has just realized she has fucked up irreversibly by approaching the person she did, and is probably about to die.

Well, joke's on them. That was last year. That was the first time. This is just a perfectly normal, perfectly ordinary look of surprise, like she's encountered an old friend.]

What?

『 HMM? 』

[A normal person would think that. One of Us would recognize it as Elaine having legitimate emotions for people she cares about. Isn't it wonderful! Stop and reread her tag, isn't it lovely?! She has feelings! She cares...! It's enough to make you cry from the power of the gesture. And that's a normal person crying! One of them would obviously be far more flattered and moved.

Oh, wait, I lied. He hit a zero in SAN, sorry babe. He's zoned out and babbling about nothing again by the time Elaine zones back in.]

『 AH NO, I DON'T KNOW EITHER, WHY WOULD USE A LAMP ANYWAY? OIL'S SO EXPENSIVE IN THIS AREA-- NO, NO, ELECTRICITY IS OVERRATED. I MEAN, TAKE THE HUMAN NEUROLOGICAL SYSTEM FOR EXAMPLE. THE MOMENT YOU DIE IT JUST SHORTS OUT AND YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A USELESS MEAT HUSK ONLY GOOD FOR FERTILIZER, YOU KNOW? 』

[She should probably shake him to make him shut up. London will thank her.]

[She doesn't touch him at all, yet. Fuck London. Why would she care about their needs when Ours are the only ones that are supposed to matter? She lets him go on and listens as usual, politely and long and hard.]

It was not a lamp specifically! They were lights. As a term, it's rather general in comparison to "lamp;" while they certainly could have been a series of lamps, they could have just as well been torches or simple flames. Any substance or structure that tears away at that darkness becomes subsequently identifiable as a "light."

[And then she steps in his bubble.]

As for the nervous system, I must agree. Electricity is certainly miraculous, isn't it? However, even after being completely disconnected, the brain remains active for up to thirty seconds before true death occurs. How long do you believe that this period of activity is extended when there is no disconnect, if it is at all?

[She's such a good girl. He still babbles endlessly while she talks about lamps, switching to Japanese at some point and slowly going more and more back into tongues - until she invades his space. He immediately falls silent and takes a step back. Right back to the frozen reaction like usual. The only difference is at the end of her rant he opens his mouth to respond

and doesn't.

There's a shaky inhale and silence and he shuts it a few seconds later. There's a second attempt, and a third, with the same result. It's enough of a shock to take the glaze out of his eyes a bit. Maybe. Not enough, because his arms fold behind his back and he smiles out at nothing.]

『 ELAINE, IF WE'RE BEING HONEST? I THINK THERE BEING NO DISCONNECT IS A HELL I WISH ON NO ONE. 』

[He's been tainted.]

[That's.

That's awfully funny. He said something very funny just now. He wouldn't wish a pain on anyone? She thinks for a moment or two that she's hallucinating, it's so unlike the friend that she knows to say those things, but she knows for a fact that her auditory hallucinations never, ever replace entire words. There's no fuzz or radio static preventing her from hearing him, no garbled noise reminiscent of Old Tongue. Just his body and his voice, speaking an opinion she's never heard before. Her face is frozen again.

And again, as usual, when she realizes where she is, she lets out that "ah" noise, not a syllable so much as an audible intake of breath.

He's broken. She broke him while he was gone. And she can't fix what She did because she's just as big a failure as he is. The very first time she'll have to earnestly accept a loss. Or not yet? But she can't even bring herself to kill him like she'd been planning to for months, even when he's wide open. Maybe she broke too.

Whatever the case, for the very first time in her life, Elaine is at a loss for words. All she does is stare.]

[That's right. Give him that expression. That feeling that he's messed up. Because he did, totally and irrevocably, and the people who should hate him can't anymore so Them doing it is just as good. Right, right, fall back into old habits. Give them someone to hate because that's your role, right.

The eyes close and the shit-eating grin falls back in place. The laugh is a bit more breathless than usual.]

『 THINK ABOUT IT. THOSE WHO DIE HAVE IT BETTER OFF, DON'T YOU THINK? GOD'S NOT REAL AND NEITHER IS THE AFTERLIFE. ANY THOUGHTS OTHERWISE ARE JUST STUPID. IT'S ONLY THIRTY SECONDS. A FEW SCANT MOMENT AND NONE OF IT MATTERS ANYMORE. BEING ALIVE IS ALREADY HELL ENOUGH, BUT THIRTY SECONDS IS ENOUGH TO GET OVER IT? 』

『 ...NO. I THINK THAT MOMENT TRAPPED BETWEEN WORLDS IS THE WORST HELL. EVEN THIRTY SECONDS IS UNBEARABLE. TO BE TRAPPED THERE FOREVER IS JUST- 』

[And he runs out of words for it. Does a very faint shrug, dims the smile down and glances away. Drive the point home with a harsher cruelty, just like always.] 『 TIME CHANGES EVERYONE, ELAINE. YOU SHOULD ACCEPT IT. 』

I --

[He knows what he's doing, of course. Words like those are as good a knife through the chest as he can get without directly telling her he hates her. So it's not a surprise she's not able to reply. She doesn't cry because she doesn't know how.

Instead, when that knife meets bone with no more give, not twisting just yet, just finally sinking in completely, she laughs back with matching breathlessness. Almost like he really did stab her, but more like she's just trying to find her voice.]

What exactly is it that you're attempting to accomplish? The afterlife certainly exists, although it is hardly the Heaven or Pure Land those Christians or Buddhists speak of. Those thirty seconds are when the noise reaches its crescendo. As a fact, that is accepted universally. The remainder, whether that is life or death, Kumagawa, exists in a far more subjective state. If my life had worth because it was spent with you, and my death had worth as it was caused by you, how long do you believe that my "thirty seconds" lasted?

31,557,600 seconds. Thirty-one million, five-hundred-and-fifty-seven, six-hundred seconds. 1,051,920 thirty second instances. However, my body is unchanging. Therefore, my brain is unchanging. Therefore, my mind is unchanging. I see little reason that I should accept a lie, despite the fact that it is constructed by you!

[It's a weak start, she thinks, but she's -- something. She isn't cold anymore, that's for sure.]

[There is so much he wants to say to that. Arguments, denials, emotional abuse, a small part actually longs to rip her tongue out so she can stop trying to reach him, but it only manifests in that usual aura shifting about in discontent.

Then she starts babbling about long numbers and he freezes completely, even down to that presence. Too busy pointedly staring elsewhere and following something else with his eyes. Just visual static, It's no longer Her anymore, but It tries, singing in a rasping voice about how long untranslatable numbers are beautiful. About how may seconds they had, She had, how many seconds the world itself has left, how it doesn't matter since it's not real anyway.

The glance back to Elaine is a bit late, a bit forced, and not entirely focused anymore. But hey, too much effort to torment her further means she gets away with just that single stab.]

『 AH, ELAINE? I'M NOT REALLY THAT FOND OF THINKING AT THE MOMENT. SOOOOO IF YOU HAD A POINT, SPIT IT OUT ALREADY. 』

[And her smile is gone. The expression that replaces it isn't as disdainful as the one in the icon, but it's still got a hint of that there. It's his response that does it. "Don't ramble, just get to the point"? Is he really that broken?

Or is this just someone who looks and sounds and feels and smells like her friend, who knows her name and conveniently responds to his

surname. A twin brother, maybe. A slightly older brother, maybe. But she knows that's not true. That's kind of stupid, honestly. Don't think stupid things, Elaine. What kind of third-rate twist is that? If he could read your mind, he'd be ashamed. Almost as ashamed as you are of him right now.

No, not ashamed. The other feeling. Not disappointed either. You know the one, don't you? Well, maybe you don't.]

In terms that you may understand, Kumagawa, I refuse to give up on you so easily. I'm going to get you back.

Edited (fucking typoes tho) 2013-12-23 23:14 (UTC)

[That face.

It makes him freeze so still, a bystander might just think he was an eerily-realistic statue. Don't snap at her. She doesn't deserve that. She was one of the few people who understood you here ~~(you don't want to be here anymore)~~ and she has every right to be disgusted by you ~~(it's not right you didn't want this)~~ how could anybody blame her for that after what's happened, right?

(i̡̟̟͚͎͓͖̬̯̫͛̓̋ͨ͟͠'͚ͨm̲̺̬̱͚ͨ̅͊̐̓͂̌ͫ ͚̬̟̝̗͊s̸̵͍̭͎͎͒ͧ͂͗̚ọ̷̷̭̤̰̻͇̓̏̍ͭ́r̨̙̩̻̥̖̪̣̲̻ͫ͊͟͢rͯ͌́̍ͦ̉ͦ̾҉̶̪͓̤͓̘y͐̚҉̟͉̬̗͖̖͝ ̙̤̥̯͔̐͒͂ͮ́͒̄̋͢ìͯ͏҉̠̬̩͓̙̙'̣͈̯͍̍ͣ͒̾͘͘m̵͙̞͈͕̮̓ͬ̀̄̈́̀ ̨̣̠͑̆ͮͦ͌̅̋s̸͕͓͍̪̓̍̎̈́̉̔̎͜͝o̱ͭ͌ͨ͒̃ͦ̃̊̀͡r̘̗̟̪̓̾ͬ̚r̸̠̞̣͉͈̝ͯ̿Y̵̫̰̱̫̺̱ͨ̀̏ ̭̟͕͔̯̊̉̀̐͞Ḭ̴̝̬̞̯̎ͭ̇̅̃́'̡̪̭̬̼͚̱̽͡M̵̮̖̜̜̟ͩ͜ ̨̡̬͚ͧͧͪ̌̆Š͂ͥ͊̒͂ͥ̃҉͖̺̲̖̙Ȯ̺͒͐̎ͧR͓͚̗̞͉͖̭͇͓̂͛̄͡r̹̟̣̤̻͖̼͍̊͐̽ͩͮ̔͞ͅr̄ͫͥ҉͍̱̞̺̙̥ȑ̵̜̹͍̥̻̥͎̦ͭ͋̿̄͊͜r̸̪̠͍͓͒ͤ̓͛ẙ͈̜̱͕͍̗̱̅̓̄)

The disdain is acceptable, at least until she speaks. It's too accurate of a combination. Too much static and too much distortion and it gets through enough to make something snap back into place. Not a good snap, though. A pass between frames later and he's right up in her personal space. All pretenses of illusion dropped, so she's staring into one eye of madness and one empty socket long-since scarred. The smile is just as she remembers, even if the physical contact is new.

It's only when he speaks now does it feel like something was missing in his words before. Or maybe it's being forced now? Hard to say.]

「WHAT KIND OF SENTIMENT IS THAT? YOU ALREADY HAVE WHAT YOU WANTED. I'M HERE. I'M NOT LEAVING. SHE HAS NO CONTROL OVER ME ANYMORE. YOU WON. ISN'T THAT NICE? I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!」

[The grip on her jaw tightens a bit. The one eye left twists into something furious.] 「WHAT IS IT I CALLED YOU BACK THEN? HELP ME OUT HERE, EVERYONE.」

m̛̮͓̯̃ͯͤͪ̓̈́ͅi̧̞̘̘̟̻͈̠͎̫ͨ̐̈̋́̊͢͟c̸̝̯͙̪̗͉͖͕̥ͫͬ͆̈́̎̄h̛͉̺͋̎̏͂̔͗̀ͦ́i͈̱̼̭̋̊̐ͪ̀͜

「AH, RIGHT, MICHI-CHAN. HAHA, THAT FEELS SO OUT OF PLACE NOW! WE WERE SUCH KIDS BACK THEN, DON'T YOU THINK? DO YOU MIND IF I STOP PRETENDING? TWISTING MY VOICE LIKE THIS NOWADAYS HURTS.」

[And she gets a hug. Possibly honest, possibly not, because there's still no attempt to withhold that aura of his. Stronger and twisted and worse in ways that can't be explained and but entirely genuine.]

『 I'VE BEEN BACK FOR ALMOST A MONTH, ELAINE. WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? 』

[Well, you know her skin. That grip on her jaw is going to bruise something nasty for all of maybe a day. Maybe two? Her mouth twists into a wry smile at his expression, finally, something honestly, truthfully, completely familiar instead of just that face and body and voice and feeling, but his grip tightens and he uses her first name. Publicly at that, and that smile is twisted with pain. A bystander would think this was something deep and meaningful, but it's more like no, stop, you're embarrassing me.

Ah. That was what he meant. Fine. Maybe she's grown up a little. Maybe she was a bit of a kid then.

But she won't turn into someone she doesn't like. More importantly, she won't let him become someone she doesn't like. Being around him, especially now after so long, makes it harder to differentiate what she sees from reality, but if that aura completely disappeared, that'd be even worse. That's why it's so hard to tell if the hug is honest, though. Is it even actually happening? If he's been here for a month, what did take her so long?

She can make up for it though. She reaches with her hands to grasp his throat.]

You are the one that procrastinated in contacting me. I have said multiple times, Kumagawa, there is no need to feel so shy!

[Ever so deep and meaningful to anyone watching from afar, like some kind of nightmare built on elaborate fears and wraths. The truth of it is just a greeting of two old friends who love each other dearly! And hate each other for mutual betrayals, but that one's up for argument.

He freezes momentarily at the hands - a sharp inhale that never happened a year previous - but it's only a moment. Maybe. Then he just rests his head on her shoulder. The only subtle assent to surrender.]

『 I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE. THEY'VE BEEN VERY DEMANDING! 』

[Wait, don't be too close to honest. She does seem to owe a murder after all ~~even if its unwanted.~~] 『 AND YOU DIDN'T DESERVE IT. 』

[The head on her shoulder gets a momentary grimace just from having someone else so close to her face, so suddenly -- even after a year, she's still not used to it. Even if it's a friend, she's still not used to it. She can roll with that justification because she knows full well just how demanding They can be.

But then he tacks the end on, and even if she knows he doesn't actually feel that way, maybe it's his usual defense, maybe he's still trying to alienate her, she can't actually argue or disagree.]

It's certainly true that I didn't. I've behaved very poorly.

[She says as she --

Well.

She would like to break his neck. It would be good, in that narrative way, if she could do that, but. Even with his pencil neck, her actual body is too weak. She doesn't have the strength in her hands to return the favor the way she wants.

So instead she just squeezes to cut off his air. Strangulation is worse and slower, but it's all she can do. He's a champ. He can handle it.]

["I've behaved very poorly" she says as she strangles her friend. There's a half-hearted attempt to speak, but it's an attempt. One that's given up on after a few seconds. She can't break him. Ah, that's a shame, it would've been poetic.

He's tired of helping. Of trying to help. But this doesn't require effort and it still fixes the narrative ball that Elaine fails at.

There's no expression, or a mildly disgusted one, when both of his hands move to fix hers. It takes kneeling down to make sure she's higher (a position only earned by one other), thumbs resting over a pounding artery (too fast compared to the serene expression), and pulling her just enough to show her all she has to do is lean.

If you can't break what you wish, then slowly crush it instead. And holding her hands in place makes it easier to hold back that reflex to rip her eyes out.]

-- Oh, I see... thank you, Kumagawa.

[She's at least nice about it. If he looks, because he's one of the few who would notice, her expression is slightly sheepish. Geeze, Elaine, you can't even strangle anyone right. This is how you crush someone's throat. He's so helpful. He's a good friend.

But she gets an idea then. She's creative. This is too bare-bones, too intimate. He probably expects better from her. If she's fast enough with it, then...

She puts on about medium pressure for just a couple of seconds, hard for a couple more, watching his face carefully -- then lets go.]

... But, I've changed my mind.

[She's not strong enough to make it immediate. There's a few voices that sing to teach her on bystanders, but they're droned out by the world losing a bit of its contrast and feeling. It's a dark deafening static rather than the illusions of peace people try to describe suffocation as. His expression stays blank the entire time.

It's only when she lets go does it turn into mild surprise. Changed her mind? Did time change her that much how long has it really been here, but they sing that They know the right answer. It's disgust isn't it? It's always disgust, you betrayed them for a higher purpose and failed both of them so why should she even bother putting out even the effort to kill you?

There's a deep breath here, exhaled as a sigh, and that's all it takes for the expression to die again. A hand passes over his missing eye to put the illusion of both back up and it's no effort after that to have the bright smile back in place. But there's no effort to repair the aura that's oddly missing.]

『 I UNDERSTAND. BEING BORED IS HARD, ISN'T IT? GO FIND SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING TO DO WITH YOUR TIME! 』

[All of those things are noted and filed away in a subsection of the mental cabinet he's earned -- up to the last. He'll notice it, the most minute of grimaces passing over her face, that seeming almost completely like himself but not manages to disturb her even more than the rest. It's sort of funny, honestly. Wasn't that what she did to everyone else? Almost totally human, but not quite enough.

But she pastes over it with a neutral expression and puts a few inches of less intimate space between them. Concentrate. Give it solid form. Humerus, ulna, radius, carpals, metacarpals, proximals, intermediates, distals one, two, three, four, five all on the right, then from the inside out. Repeat on the left --

Some scientific law or another dictates she can't snap his neck, because she doesn't have the strength to do it. All she could possibly do is crush his larynx or strangle him normally, but neither of those are good enough. So she'll just snap that law holding her back along with his neck. Causality represent.

In other words, it's totally likely that he'll catch a whiff of that magic as it happens, but she'll be grabbing him a second time, in the same place, with renewed vigour. See, she's a good kid.]

I'm afraid that I'm not interested in any other things at the moment. I lied. In return for telling you such a dreadful lie, Kumagawa, I shall certainly save you soon.

[She'll see exactly when he senses it, or when They tell him it's sensed, because the smile immediately snaps back to neutral. The posture remains apathetic, the aura remains frighteningly absent. In fact, the only real change is the voice losing a bit of its strength. Except the tone is still just as flat.]

『 LYING THEN? OR LYING NOW? YOU SHOULD WATCH YOUR FALSEHOODS, ELAINE. SOMEONE WHO CAN'T EVEN MANAGE TO BE HONEST WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO SAVE ANYONE, AND THAT'S NOT A LIE. I GUARANTEE IT. 』

[There may or may not be a spike of some kind of genuine emotion at the end, like a change in the air or a slight glare, but that's a lie. It's all in her head and she's left to her neck-snapping fun.]

This was my first time lying to you, I believe? I do dislike lying -- so I'll certainly be able to save you.

[She notices that change, though, whether it's a sudden chill in the air (it's winter, after all) or a change in his presence or a glare or whatever, and she spends a good moment trying to figure out if it's her imagination or not. She can't really tell anymore.

But the sound his neck makes when it breaks is very real, fortunately. That's a relief.]

[What positive thinking from the all-loving Elaine. Almost positive enough to believe it. The faint smile when that last pain comes is just a coincidence.

She probably remembers his revival trick. Stay dead for thirty seconds, flick back to unharmed, gain the ability to hold sane and civil conversations for up to two days before They get too much leverage and someone kills him off again. A predictable cycle.

Thirty seconds pass, and he stays dead.

A minute passes, and it's still a corpse.

A minute and enough time to get concerned passes, and the usual scathing static and abusive aura never return. But he does revert to normal and stare at nothing.]

『 AHHH, MUCH BETTER. 』

[Not attempting to get out of the snow though. It's dubious but whatever, it's comfy.]

『 I KNOW YOU'RE MAD, BUT THANK YOU. 』

I am very angry.

[She's pissed he left and pissed he came back the way he did and pissed she couldn't enjoy killing him just pissed pissed pissed pissed. Which is interesting to her because as feelings go, she can identify it pretty well as being pissed. A year works wonders.

But mostly glad he's feeling better. She desperately wants to take his word for it, so she will until something proves she shouldn't have, and then she'll fix everything. Hashtag shounen. Normally this is the part where she would extend her hand to help him up and the touching music would swell to a crescendo and they'd use each other's first names and we'd have pretty screentone work, but

fuck that

she just flops down in the snow beside him.]

Welcome home, Kumagawa! Your punishment is that I shall likely fall ill with fever from prolonged exposure to this weather. Please speak to Liam on your own.

『 I'M SORRY. 』

[He actually does sound sorry. It's why there's no justifications or explanations or denials or regrets. It was a choice that had to be done, hurt others in the process, and he feels honest remorse for it.

The silence afterward is him expecting to get kicked by the angry friend, but the flop in the snow and alternate punishment is a new choice.]

『 IS MY PUNISHMENT JUST YOU GETTING SICK OR DO I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU TOO? 』

[Let us not mention Liam because that conversation is going to be terrible and he may or may not have visited Elaine first to avoid it, but that's secret.]

It's going to be all right.

[Not "it's all right," not "I forgive you." As for the rest?

She didn't think that far. There's a long, pregnant pause.]

I -- shall decide that once I have fallen ill!

『 NO IT WON'T. 』

[It's not stated in any kind of self-demeaning or miserable fashion. Just a statement of fact, because it is. Things may get close to all right, but it'll never really get there. That's what happens when you have one year for your feelings to fester.

Part of being human really.

The second part means she just gets a flat stare. ...Elaine why.]

『 YOUR FORESIGHT IS AMAZING. 』

Yes, it will.

[Or else. She's still sort of annoyed it even happened, honestly, but she's not going to let that change their relationship and she won't let Liam let that change their relationship either. When she said she'd save him, she meant it. If she could be that kind of leading side character, wouldn't that be cool? In true leader/protagonist fashion, she intends to stumble around blindly, probably angry sometimes, probably killing people, until her goal's reached.

Everything can go back to the way it was if they'd just let it.

Anyway, not unlike a dog or small child (and she is both as we know), she rolls around in the snow for a bit, in place.]

My capability for logical thought is hindered somewhat by the intensity of my feelings, I believe. I was not lying the last time that I killed you.

[He's like her best friend so she missed him a lot and it's making her stupid, in other words.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject