Wasted and wounded, it ain't what the moon did

[inblood]

[It's been a few days since the...incident with Kumagawa. Thanks to Sei things turned out better than they could have, but it still isn't something Touya could just recover from. He's spent these last few days in his room, avoiding contact with others as much as possible, not eating or talking, barely even responding to anything. Today, Audi finally kicked him out of the room to  eat something.

Flatmates can find him poking about for food and making a small and simple snack. He still isn't very hungry, but health is important.

Later on, he ventures out to the streets. With the seal back in its proper place, Bouffalant wasn't really conscious enough to follow Touya, so now Touya's out looking for the buffafro that's been meandering through the streets for days. They'll find eachother eventually, they always do.

Finally, after he's found his buffalo, Touya can be found in a park or other relatively peaceful part of London. He's sitting with his eyes closed, back against the large Pokemon, just listening to everything around him. His head's been ringing ever since that event, maybe if he focuses and listens he can find the cause. He's still too jittery for this to look like meditation though.]

Comments

[screwreality]

「BECAUSE I'M NOT SORRY AND I'M SORRY. I'M NOT SORRY BECAUSE I MOVED FOR ANOTHER. I'M SORRY BECAUSE YOU HAD NO ONE TO MOVE FOR. AND YOU BROKE! YOU'RE JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE SHEEP, TOUYA-KUN! YOU BROKE, BUT YOU DIDN'T BREAK.」

[If Touya hadn't met first-hand what he is actually capable of, the only thing you can think is 'how insane IS this weirdo'. He reeks of Old Ones and insects crawling in your veins and screeching, so at least the insanity is par the course.]

「DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BROKEN?」

[inblood]

"Broken"...? No... No. And yes. All you did was override a seal my parents gave their souls to put in place, and you ripped a hole in my soul to do it. Would you...would you call that "broken"?

[He even sounds slightly mad now, good job. He hates that part of himself, don't just let it out like that! He could have killed someone!]

[screwreality]

「... WHAT? I NEVER RIPPED A HOLE INTO YOU.」

[For the first time, the conversation actually sounds like you're on the same page of reality.]

「THE SEAL IS STILL THERE. YOU ONLY FELL INTO THE DEEPEST HELL, AND YOU 'BROKE'. THEIR VOICES ARE EVERYWHERE, MM? YOU CAN'T HEAR THEM--」

[Well, he was there for a few sentences--]

「SHUT UP, I'M TALKING!」

[Wow RUDE.]

「UH HUH. THEY'RE TRYING TO TELL YOU. YOU THINK YOU BROKE INTO PIECES. BUT YOU BROKE INTO MIST! MIST RISES BACK TO THE HEAVENS, DOESN'T IT? YOUR PROBLEM, MISTER MOPEY, IS THAT YOU THINK YOU BROKE. WHEN YOUR MISTAKE IS YOU WENT BLIND!」

[inblood]

Not a physical hole. A...spiritual one. B-Because no one here understands - my soul isn't just mine. A-And you only attacked part of it, so now there's a rift between that part and the rest of it. It's making the seal weaker.

[Touya is trying to keep up with you, if mainly to avoid being on the receiving end of another screw. The keyword here is "trying" because he's failing.]

I...can hear something. Are They that incomprehensible rumble? A-And that...screeching, sometimes, is that Them? I...I'm not broken, because it's always been this way, but...I'm not intact anymore. And nothing sounds the same.

[He's not sure that will even make sense to you, but you don't make sense anyway.]

[screwreality]

「OOOOOOOH. I SEE! SO I SHOULD GIVE YOUR PETS THE SAME TREATMENT?」

[OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOGOHODOHDGOHDHDOGDHGHDOHTDDSKGJAL]

「HAHA, JUST KIDDING. I DON'T LIKE REPEATING MYSELF, OKAY? SO I'LL REPEAT MYSELF AND SAY I DIDN'T BREAK YOU. YOU'RE NOT BROKEN. YOU'RE BLIND AND YOU THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG BUT YOU CAN'T SEE THAT THAT'S COMPLETELY NORMAL FOR YOU. WHY ARE YOU RELYING ON SEALS FOR SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE CONTROLLED BY YOURSELF! STOP RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR SHORTCOMINGS, ASSHOLE!」

「...... BUT YEAH. THAT'S THEM! WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND?」

[inblood]

Don't you dare. [Wow, you got actual anger out of him! Good job! Threatening his Pokemon doesn't fly, just like threatening him doesn't fly with them.]

You...you can't hear it. I can hear the tear in my own soul. It isn't the cause of...that. What I did. That's a side of me I never wanted, something I can't control... [His head is in his hands by this point. Stop making him try to face the truth, you jerk, he's been running away from it his whole life!] No one should have to see me like that! I don't want to be that kind of monster!

[...Give him a few moments to calm down.] ...N-No. I don't...I don't think I'm made for that. [There are bloodstains on his sleeves and under his ears from when Elaine tried speaking to him in their language earlier, that hurt like holy hell.]

[screwreality]

[His arms--whoops, arm crosses and he huffs out an exhale. Head tilting to once side and looking entirely annoyed again.

--do not make him annoyed do not do not do not no no no no no no no-- At least Touya gets the few moments.] 「ARE YOU DONE NOW? HERE, LOOK, PAY ATTENTION, OKAY? I'LL EVEN COME BACK TO YOU.」

[If he pays attention, a few layers of that unnerving cataract haze over his eyes dissipates. Enough to tell that any further is dangerous.]

「NOTHING HURT YOU OR BROKE YOU OR TORE YOU ON MY END, GOT IT? MY NEGATIVITY INFECTED YOU, AND YOU REACTED AS HOW YOU WOULD HAVE IF YOU WERE ME. IF YOU WERE A PERSON BROKEN INTO A CORNER AND HAD EVERY LIE YOU EVER TOLD THE WORLD RIPPED AWAY! YOUR PUREST STATE.」

[POINT!]

「IF YOU THINK YOU'RE TORN, IT'S BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T ACCEPTED THAT WHAT HAPPENED IS JUST 'YOU'. THAT YOUR LITTLE SOUL-LEECHES CAN'T REATTACH TO A 'YOU' THAT CAN'T ACCEPT THE TRUTH. STOP WHINING AND ACCEPT IT ALREADY! THE PROBLEM HERE IS?」

[It's nothing.
It's all in your head.
It's you.

Can he go home now? He delivered the basket and now he's edging too close to being nice, the only thing he promised was Michi a friend, he's done here, nope nope nope-]

[inblood]

[For a moment, everything goes quiet inside Touya's head. Oh, he still hears everything, he just stops processing it all as he remembers.

"Monster." "Freak." "Demon boy." "Devil child."

No.

"What kind of child kills his own parents?" "Don't hate them. They aren't bad people, they're just scared. Scared of you." "Run, get out of here! I'll buy you some time, so don't think of ever coming back here. Don't even look back, just keep on running!"

Stop it.

"We don't want your kind here!" "We all know people like you don't care about anything but fighting." "Who the fuck would trust you?!" "Stay away!" "You tricked us, we thought you were a good person!" "Inhuman little brat..." "It would've been better if you'd never been born!" "Psychopath." "Ought to lock people like you up where you can't hurt anyone!" "Why should we give anything to someone who might turn around and attack us any minute?" "Go back out there with the monsters, where you belong!" "Monster!"

Shut up.

The memories of being rejected by nearly everyone in his world flow through Touya's head, overlapping and running together. The effect is something like feedback, and he instinctively covers his ears with his hands even though it does no good. There are tears streaming down his face. His trembling gets worse.

He doesn't want it. He doesn't want any of it. He doesn't want to be a monster or distrusted, and he's so sick of being hated. He never asked to be born a Berserker, and he never wanted to hurt anyone. That isn't the real him. It can't be. He hates it, he hates himself, he doesn't want any of this at all. It would have been better if he had never been born.

When he speaks again, there's a cold misery to his tone. Nobody gets it, and everybody hates him, and that's why he's always alone.]

Easier said than done. [He's speaking from behind his walls, just so he won't be hurt again.]

[screwreality]

[He's allowed the odd silence for his freak-out and for his response after. Then there's a sigh of annoyance after the answer.]

「AH, I'M BAD AT PEOPLE, CAN YOU GUYS TRANSLATE THAT?」

[We and They and the Watchers already know his feelings. Don't we, observers?]

「UGHHH, FIIINE, BUT THIS IS THE LAST TIME.」

[And he leans down enough to be eye-to-eye with the moping berserker and smiles like sunshine and cancer cells.] 「PEOPLE HATE YOU. AND THAT'S OKAY! YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHOSE HATED. ONCE YOU COME TO TERMS WITH THAT, YOU'LL FIND YOUR FRIENDS AMONG THE HATED.」

「'PHILOSOPHY OF A HATED PERSON' WAS A NIGHTMARE TO PASS, YOU KNOW.」 [That was an EX-boss card, no shit it was a nightmare.] 「BUT THE SIRENS MADE FOR GOOD AMBIANCE.」 [It also makes for a good metaphor here. Nice work!] 「HA HA! THANK YOU! I THOUGHT IT WAS FITTING.」

[inblood]

[He doesn't know how to respond to that. He isn't sure he wants to respond to that. Hated? Yeah, he is...but being accepted by the other hated people, wouldn't that just make the problem worse?

Not to mention, he's a Berserker. There's a reason nobody trusts a Berserker, not even other outcasts. Berserkers can't be predicted, and they don't have friends. They only have targets, they're even prone to attacking themselves. So who's to say anyone would accept him, even if he did resign himself to being hated? No, it's much better to stay as he is, pretending to be a normal person.

He just buries his face in his knees, exhausted. He doesn't even want to think anymore.]

[screwreality]

[It's another long moment where he's waiting for an answer. Any kind of answer, who knows. But one never comes. Nothing. Nothing.

And something in the universe cracks off, like brackets being removed, and that feeling from the night they first met. Like it never even went away.]

Coward.

[One word, and from him it sounds like it may as well be written in red, in the blood of reality itself so it becomes an unending and undeniable truth.]

I offered. If you're too scared to take it, then sit there. The loved people will flee from your real self and the hated will feel from your fake self. Rot in the hell you threw yourself in.

[He can kill him. He can break him further. He can ruin you and everything you care about and that nightmare will replay itself.

--But it doesn't. He's turned and walking off and only the scathing words remain. Dismissed like the coward he is.]