"this is a sham," cries free! cast

[pinupbody]

[As usual, in the wake of the old turf war-church explosion, life continues. The relic that caused the problem is likely lost forever or otherwise nowhere to be found, but on the bright side, it's definitely cold enough this week to cool its molten remains, and it might still have some juice left. The interesting thing about modern London and modern Londoners is that they produce so much heat, snow usually doesn't accumulate. And then you have situations like the Thames freezing in the 60s, or the snow earlier this year. Three inches is enough to shut down the trains.

Today is a day not unlike any of those. There's a light blanket descending upon the city today. In its frozen form, it feels a lot less inherently disgusting than the water in the Thames, and smells a lot less -- not at all, even. Almost like it's perfectly normal water, but we wouldn't recommend trying to catch it in your mouth. Or ears. Or eyes. It's maybe better if you try not to absorb too much of it in general. Don't say we didn't warn you.

After all, freezing water removes some impurities. Not all. And there's no such thing as a rain of boiling water, maybe fortunately. If you wouldn't drink water out of the river or a local lake, why would you eat the snow?

Anyway. Trains can't run in weather like this. The city is in the panic you'd expect, but that doesn't mean you have to be -- if you've got somewhere to go, I'd recommend hoofing it immediately. If you were on the run from some religion bent on sacrificing you to resurrect their god, or a scientist trying to fill you with brain parasites? Walk faster.

But, well. That's up to you. Some local cults are out and about today offering safety from the weather and faster transportation (but it's probably in your best interests not to ask the details if you're not a member), for various prices. What do you do?]

Comments

[affectate]

[Okay it's kind of hard to hug someone when you're covered in snow and you're both lying down but. She's gonna do it. The fact that she is occasionally to often dumb as shit despite being a high mark student proves she's the main character.

So while he's playing with her hair, he might find it snatched out of his grasp -- not by her hand, more like she just kinda. Rolls over on him with her arms open. Yes. There we go. We hugging now.]

Your new quotation marks are lovely. White is my favourite colour!

[She says, pointedly refusing to address anything he actually told her, even though the remark makes it pretty obvious she heard. He knew which murder she meant and she's a) still kind of mad he left to begin with and b) pretending nothing happened and c) good. It's a quiet kind of acceptance.]

[screwreality]

[Oh god hugs nooooo- except he doesn't screech and roll away and cry like before. There's only a muffled noise of surprise at the sudden weight on his spine and nothing more.

She didn't address the latter part. But she heard it, which is all he needed done. Shifting enough to make sure he's not eating the snow here, turned just enough to see an avalanche of black.]

『 AWW, THANK YOU! THEY'RE EASIER TO USE, TOO! YOU SHOULD TRY THEM ON SOMETIME. 』

[affectate]

Hmm...

[Ah yes totally platonic lying around on. If he were even slightly younger it'd be hilarious probably, but on the other hand, she's not a girl. She's just Elaine.]

Yes, perhaps 『this style of speaking 』 would work best? Or 『THIS, RATHER THAN THE OTHER? 』 Which do you believe sounds best, Kumagawa?

[screwreality]

[It's a loser sprawled on top of another loser in the middle of a snowdrift, during a snowfall, and both of them are underdressed for their respective immune systems. It's always hilarious.]

『 HMMM, I PICK CHOICE ONE! YOUR VOICE IS TOO SWEET TO UNDERGO THE KIND OF ABUSE TO KEEP UP CHOICE TWO FOR TOO LONG. WHEREAS WITH ONE, YOU DON'T CHANGE YOUR VOICE THAT MUCH, -AND- YOU'RE STILL SHOWING OFF! 』

[If she squints, there was a compliment in there and he didn't naturally recoil in fear. Maybe the timeskip did some good.]

[affectate]

『Sweet? Oh my! I can scarcely recall the last I received such earnest compliments. In what manner is it sweet? Sugar, honey, or perhaps lead acetate? The Romans of antiquity would boil grape juice in lead pots, allowing it to pick up the sweetness of the lead acetate. The resulting syrup was referred to as defrutum, which was then concentrated further into the sapa syrup. This was used to sweeten wines and fruits. 』

[But ok Elaine get to the good part, many readers might be thinking. Sure, you're sprawled out lying on top of this guy talking about your sweet voice but you're also making it boring.]

『This lead to many cases of lead poisoning. Pope Clement II, according to studies conducted in a time closer to yours, Kumagawa, show that he had been poisoned with lead sugar. 』

[screwreality]

[Well the readers can shove it, because the person currently being used as a pillow has no issue with the rambling and listens through the whole thing with the type of whole-hearted attention span only They ever gave each other. She even gets a few seconds of silence when he actually debates it to make sure it's a right answer.]

『 I SAY LEAD ACETATE IF WE'RE JUDGING BY OTHER PEOPLE'S REACTION TO YOU. IF NOT THEEEEN... PEACH SCHNAPPS. 』

[affectate]

『Neither of us is of age to consume alcohol! Kumagawa, that is illegal!』

[And despite the brackets, he knows her. So he also knows she, for some reason or another, is legitimately concerned about the legality of underage drinking.

She won't unless there's literally no way for her to be punished for it.]

[screwreality]

『 I REFUSE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT I DON'T GET CAUGHT DOING! 』

[Which is to say he is legitimately concerned about the legality of underage drinking, except that's a lie and he's freely ignored that law and done what he wants. He still can't be tamed, nor shamed!!!]

[affectate]

『 How can you be so certain that you won't be punished? Perhaps I would punish you for breaking such a law, Kumagawa! 』

[Fat chance.]

[screwreality]

『 AS IF! 』

[Though being arrested for underage drinking out of every other horrible thing he's ever done. .....Yeah, sounds like the kind of terrible luck that follows him around.

........]

『 I WON'T DO IT AGAIN. 』

[affectate]

『 What? 』

『 Are you all right, Kumagawa? Seldom does a threat of punishment from me ellicit such a reaction -- has She truly changed you so much? 』

[She says it like it's a joke, but. If she can avoid thinking about the possibility? She'd like to.]

[screwreality]

[He wants to say She didn't change him. She had a part of what to do with it, only a small part, otherwise it was his own choice (why does no one believe it- BUT. Elaine has made a point not to acknowledge that yet, so he goes for the other truthful answer.]

『 I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE ARRESTED FOR SOMETHING STUPID. IF I'M GETTING REFORMED, I WANT IT TO BE FOR BEING HORRIBLE! LIKE GENOCIDE! OR CANNIBALISM! OR JAYWALKING! 』

[affectate]

[What she's ignoring is that possibility exactly, yes. Change is hard and growing up is hard and she doesn't have to, not with this body. Not even with the old one. She was always going to die young. There's no reason for her to change and become a person she won't like when her life is either endless or painfully short with no inbetween.]

『 But murder is so very boring. 』

[She shifts her weight a little. This pillow is bony and she felt absolutely nothing killing him this time and it's weird, he keeps making everything weird.

It's just because he just came back though. Right?]

『 Promise me that if you are arrested, Kumagawa, that it will be for an interesting crime! An offence along the lines of cannibalism does sound wonderful. 』

[screwreality]

[Elaine just needs to realize that him getting over his Omnicidal Maniac stage doesn't mean she has to change. But time is a cruel mistress. Maybe someday they'll sit down, have a chat over their respective years that went by, accept the mild changes did nothing to demolish their friendships, and move past it.

Unfortunately, one of the staple rules of being one of Us is being an idiot, so the aforementioned conversation won't be happening anytime soon. Alas.]

『 OKA~Y. ON THE CHANCE I EVER GET BORED ENOUGH TO LET MYSELF BE ARRESTED, I PROMISE IT WILL BE FOR CANNIBALISM. 』

[affectate]

[And their friendships are looking a touch demolished after Liamthread. Maybe not this one, but... oh boy. Have fun explaining that one to her later, kid.]

『 Thank you very much! Perhaps if you were to eat a human, your weight would return to its previous state. You are dreadfully underfed. Did you believe that I would not notice? I would like you to resume eating breakfast with me as well! 』

[screwreality]

[He can explain it over the breakfast he doesn't want to have, judging by the groan he gives when he buries his face in the snow. Why must she do this he hates the lectures its not the he starves himself it just kind of happens he blames his metabolism and his bad memory and the fact food is expensive and also optional when you can just revive whenever you feel like it okay its not his fault he's not sorry et cetera

The answer is muffled by dubious snow, but he doesn't even care anymore.]

『 NOOOOO. I DON'T WANT TO. DOESN'T CAROL STILL HATE ME? STOP TRYING TO GIVE YOUR LOVING FATHER UNDUE STRESS. 』

[affectate]

『 Papa never hated you, Kumagawa! He is away in France for Christmas, besides, and shall not arrive home until New Year's. Your fear of him is, in its entirety, unfounded; what reason do you have to deny me? 』

[Somewhere in a hotel room in Paris, he just broke his pipe in half. As if he hadn't already.]

[screwreality]

『 I'M NOT AFRAID OF HIM! 』

[Yes he is.]

『 SHUT UP! WHO SAID YOU GUYS COULD TALK? 』

[Wow, rude.]

『 AND FOR THE RECORD, HE TOOOTALLY HATES ME. HE'S PROBABLY HAVING AN ANEURYSM RIGHT NOW JUST FOR YOU TRYING TO INVITE ME OVER. HOW HEARTLESS OF YOU! 』

[affectate]

『 I scarcely understood why. He is not a frightening person. Moreover, my voice would not travel to Paris, and any curses placed for the sake of surveillance are to be immediately dispelled. 』

[She gives a little nod to Them, to the narration, and shifts to stop hugging him, sitting up. Hope the heels don't catch him in the back.]

『 I'm not heartless at all! 』

[screwreality]

[Were he standing, this would be the exact moment where he hunches into himself and gets all pouty over people knowing he's a wimp. Seeing as there's still a woman who weighs more than he does sitting on his spine, he only manages the pout.]

『 DO I HAVE TO? 』

[Whiiiine. And ow, watch the heels, she gets a slight wince for that.]

[affectate]

[At least it's like. Just barely, and most of that deciding weight is probably clothes. But he's such a wimp even that's too much (understandably, for once). She notices him wince though; but she can't take off her shoes and sitting in something more like seiza would hurt her instead, so she just puts her legs on either side of his body instead.]

『 Yes, you do! ... Ah - 』

[The skirt is too long to see anything interesting so there's nothing to note, and she realizes after a moment that this'll be uncomfortable after a while too, so she swaps to sitting at the base of his spine, with both legs dangling off to the left.]

『 How is this, Kumagawa? 』

[screwreality]

[There's no more wincing past the initial one. In fact, the only reaction at all is the usual noise of 'bluhhhhhhh' at her Yes. The one where he still doesn't want to, but has given up to Elaine's Frequent Whims and will turn up at her house tomorrow morning anyway.

He still holds the right to mope face-down in the snow drift though. So there, you terrorist. --Oh wait, the muffled extended complaint halts for a moment.]

『 WHATEVER'S COMFORTABLE FOR YOU, ELAINE! 』

[Statement given, the bluhhhhhhh resumes.]

[affectate]

[While he's moping, his ears should be uncovered enough to hear her huff a little indignantly.]

『 Is it comfortable for you? My own comfort, comparatively, is scarcely important! You have been absent for some time; it is only polite that you be both coddled and punished, with equal intensity! In welcoming you back to this place, my goal is to treat you with unforgiving love and unrelenting hatred. That is what I believe. 』

[Coddled, she says. Unforgiving love, she says. While sitting on his back.]

『 If it is uncomfortable for you, Kumagawa, then I shall simply return to my previous position beside you. 』

[screwreality]

『 "UNRELENTING HATRED", SHE SAYS THROUGH THE BORROWED QUOTATION MARKS OF A LOVED ONE. 』

[But it's stated completely absently, like white noise or a computer screensaver. Whatever real thoughts would be placed in this bracket, it's not that. Either way, there's just enough of a shift where one of his shoulders pops back into place with a crack.

Ahhhh, much better. The ceasing of the moping should be enough of a "yes you're fine" for an answer.]

[affectate]

『 It is true, yes! I love you. The hatred that I shall bestow upon you shall be equal to that love. 』

[There's a pause here. She swings her feet as much as she can from what's basically ground level, listening to the snow crunching under her heel. Then, as if on cue:]

『 What will you say to Liam? 』