"this is a sham," cries free! cast

[pinupbody]

[As usual, in the wake of the old turf war-church explosion, life continues. The relic that caused the problem is likely lost forever or otherwise nowhere to be found, but on the bright side, it's definitely cold enough this week to cool its molten remains, and it might still have some juice left. The interesting thing about modern London and modern Londoners is that they produce so much heat, snow usually doesn't accumulate. And then you have situations like the Thames freezing in the 60s, or the snow earlier this year. Three inches is enough to shut down the trains.

Today is a day not unlike any of those. There's a light blanket descending upon the city today. In its frozen form, it feels a lot less inherently disgusting than the water in the Thames, and smells a lot less -- not at all, even. Almost like it's perfectly normal water, but we wouldn't recommend trying to catch it in your mouth. Or ears. Or eyes. It's maybe better if you try not to absorb too much of it in general. Don't say we didn't warn you.

After all, freezing water removes some impurities. Not all. And there's no such thing as a rain of boiling water, maybe fortunately. If you wouldn't drink water out of the river or a local lake, why would you eat the snow?

Anyway. Trains can't run in weather like this. The city is in the panic you'd expect, but that doesn't mean you have to be -- if you've got somewhere to go, I'd recommend hoofing it immediately. If you were on the run from some religion bent on sacrificing you to resurrect their god, or a scientist trying to fill you with brain parasites? Walk faster.

But, well. That's up to you. Some local cults are out and about today offering safety from the weather and faster transportation (but it's probably in your best interests not to ask the details if you're not a member), for various prices. What do you do?]

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[zenithrewinder]

[The fun part here is that Kido worked part-time as a maid for said manor. Now a less fun part, most workers when told about creepy rumors of their masters are very quick to snap to rude defense. How dare you say such slander, etc etc.

As Mary will soon learn, everyone in that mansion really is weird.]

Yes. Two of them.

[Deadpanned. There's an amount of time here spent silent for a perfect measure. Just long enough to formulate mental images of tall handsome men and miserable piles of secrets, and then promptly scare the shit out of yourself.

But not long enough to be so scared you flee, because she laughs at the exact perfect time.]

The Mistresses of our home are the vampires. Miss Remilia only drinks three cups a day, and only from those who give her permission. Miss Flandre does not drink from the living. Both of them have the bodies of ten-years old children and have the attention span as such, so you will not be bothered.

[The bright smile here is somewhere between the balance of Perfect And Elegant Servant and Perfect And Elegant Sadist.] What other rumors have you heard?

[paraleyes]

[It really is like something out of a story. A manor with two vampire nobles, both of them young girls?]

Kano likes telling Kido stories to scare her... Do you remember the rumors...?

[She thinks on it for a good few seconds, then enlists Its help. Her memory isn't bad by any means, but It seemed to be awake even when she wasn't, so it's very helpful.]

Mm, I see. Thank you... ... One of the vampires was an older man. He would kidnap women and drink all of their blood... and Jack the Ripper lived there too...? And all of you had lots of sex.

[zenithrewinder]

[Kido? A look of puzzlement quickly rises once the name is said. She even mouths the name once to see if it rolls off the same. It does?

Ah, it's probably just a coincidence. And Mary resumes speaking, so the thought is filed for looking into later, but not important now.]

There are no older men living in our manor. However, the mistresses are descended from Vladimir Tepes, which may have influenced the stories. Jack the Ripper residing there is actually an insult to myself, though I have no idea how it began. And...

[Uh. Wait. How did that end up a rumor? Mary, have proof the maid has actual feelings, because there's a pointed blush on ivory once the question registers.]

I-I. Um... It would be erroneous to state that no intercourse happened within our building. --As the maids are all adolescent to adult women and have their own lodgings and relationships. ...That is not to say that we are all involved with each-- They. They are all involved with each other. That's preposterous. Such scandals never leave our household. --Because they never happened. To begin with, I mean. Oh dear.

[By the end she's bright red and has a gloved hand over her face to hide it. This is terrible she's making her mistresses look stupid today needs to be over with ten minutes ago.]